When I had fibromyalgia for over twenty years (before it changed to bipolar disorder), I had low energy and chronic pain. I would need to crawl on the floor to pick up anything in my house. I looked “okay” on the outside so people expected me to be able to act “okay.” I felt lame and doubted if I’d ever feel better. In our society, we are measured by what we “do” (What do you do for a living? What are your hobbies? What does your spouse do?). To have a disease where you can’t “do,” it’s hard to feel you measure up. People don’t go around asking, “What type of person are you? What trials have you faced? Who are you when you don’t have to do anything?” One day in the checkout stand of a grocery store, I flipped through Oprah’s magazine. I saw a concept that changed my outlook and changed my life. In essence, it said, “You may have this _________ disease, but that is not who you are.” I had never heard of such a concept, that I could be more or different than my disease…that, in fact, I am NOT my disease. I just have it. A wise friend of mine said, “While it affects us, it does not define us.” Over the years, I came to realize that I am worthwhile even if I can "do" nothing.
It can be difficult for individuals to distinguish themselves from the illness. I’ve observed individuals who are newly diagnosed or in the earlier stages of bipolar disorder seem to have a harder time telling themselves apart from the disease. I always like to switch roles. Would you say someone with diabetes is no more than their disease and is not separate from the disease? Of course not. However, I can understand how an individual could feel this way. When your life is overrun and appears to be ruled in every aspect by your disease, how you feel, perceive and do, it gets easier to forget the real you still exists. Just imagine if the disease that overruns and rules every aspect of your life were little terrorists. Would you say these little terrorists define you, that now they ARE you? Would you say they are holding the real you hostage and will never release you, so they must now be you? It doesn’t add up. It’s just like a sweater. I may wear the same sweater all the time but it’s not me. People may come to know me as the woman in the green sweater, but it’s still not me. I am convinced that one day I will be able to take the sweater of bipolar disorder off and everyone will see me for who I truly am.
I know it's difficult..but try to remember you are more than your disease.
Who else does this speak to?
