Hope for Suicide

It was recently brought to my attention that someone I don’t know found solace in my blog after a loved one committed suicide. This issue has been on my mind recently. There have been times I know I’ve helped prevent a suicide. But there have also been times when everyone missed it (I still cry, even now). This statistic is on my blog “as many as one in five patients with bipolar disorder completes suicide" (National Institute of Mental Health). My local chapter of DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance) recently discussed suicidal thoughts. The following summary was made by the local chapter leader: “It is very easy when this disorder is raging for suicidal thoughts to enter. At the time it can seem very reasonable to come to the conclusion that our family, friends and others would be better off without us. When these thoughts are persistent it is a clear indication that we need to change our treatment strategy. A healthy mind does not think suicidal thoughts. The more managed the disorder is the less often these thoughts will occur.”

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I was blown away by an article in my newspaper yesterday about suicidal thoughts versus actions.  The headline read: “1 in 15 Utahns consider suicide.” From a recent study, Utah ranks first in the nation with 6.8% thinking about suicide. Georgia ranked last in the nation at 2.1% or 1 in 50 people considering suicide. The Midwest and West were slightly higher than the Northeast or South. No explanation was given for these differences but it was pointed out that no one is immune from this malady. The study showed 1.5 percent of Utahns planned to commit suicide while only .5 percent attempted it. The report shows that there are opportunities to intervene before someone dies by suicide. In another Utah report, men and women age 85 and older had the highest prevalence of suicidal thoughts, followed by men and women ages 18-24. In both age groups, women had the higher percentage of contemplating taking their lives.

Mental health professionals relate that people who talk about suicide should be taken seriously and should seek help. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255 in the US. I am not immune from these thoughts and I have been hospitalized over this issue. I have had medication changes and now have hope, like a sunrise. I pray if any of you are suffering over this issue, that you will find solace and help. I also pray we will be able to create an open dialogue and be able to prevent more suicides. Those suffering with suicidal thoughts deserve another sunrise.

Surfin' through Life

I grew up in Florida going to Florida beaches. What I loved most was to boogie board or body surf. The principles were the same. When a large wave starts to head toward shore, then turn toward shore and start paddling fast. Hopefully, the wave will pick you up on the way to the shore and you’ll get a fun ride.  You might call this, “Go with the flow” and not resisting. An opposite way would be to get upset that waves come at the beach and to turn toward the waves and scream and hit them. The waves would still come regardless of either method. Wouldn’t you agree?

I have discovered that much unhappiness in life comes from resisting the things that come our way. Just like waves, we can get upset about trials in our lives. We can throw a tantrum that trials come our way or we can realize trials come in life and choose our response. A positive way is to choose to accept. Eckhart Tolle said "Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Work with it, not against it.” I wrote on my bathroom mirror recently: “Accept. Don’t resist!” as a reminder to myself.

I admit that I’m a trekkie. Whenever I heard the enemy “Borg” say “Resistance is futile,” I twinged. But if the Borg were trials in my life, perhaps they were being kind to tell me that resistance doesn’t help. This is still one of my favorite quotes by Eckhart Tolle: “When you accept what is, every moment is the best moment. That is enlightenment.”

We can either surf our way through life on a wild ride or resist any trials, which only make us stronger anyway. (This is not meant to make light of people who suffer.) I read some surfer lingo on http://www.riptionary.com/ that said: “A spiritual place when everything seems to be in synch...the wave, the surfer and the board are one entity. When a surfer achieves this he's said to have the...glide.” This sounds like enlightenment to me. Let’s pull out our surf boards and glide our way through life.

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Sleep is Overrated

When I had fibromyalgia, I had no energy and slept longer than usual. I never felt refreshed when I woke up no matter how long I slept.  In the spring of 2003, I woke up one day with more energy than normal. This higher energy level continued and I began to need little if any sleep. I praised God and thought I had been cured of fibromyalgia.  Little did I know that I was experiencing a symptom of bipolar mania. (Mania and hypomania are on the high end of bipolar disorder and depression and anxiety are on the low end.) One of the first symptoms of bipolar mania is you don’t need sleep. I am not joking. I could go, go, go and never miss not sleeping, for months on end. Other symptoms followed, like rapid speech, racing thoughts, delusions of grandeur, increased libido, reckless driving and increased spending.

Since being diagnosed, I can notice the first step down the trail of mania is I can’t sleep.  This lack of sleep is like a high, a constant adrenaline rush. One psychiatrist told me: “Sleep is the guardian of sanity.”  Amen to that. Without sleep, I quickly go insane. Many scientific studies attest that anyone who goes without sleep long enough begins to go insane.  Before I was diagnosed, I thought it was cool that I didn’t need sleep. I thought, “Who needs sleep?” and “Sleep is so overrated.” I thought, “I can get so much more done in a day without sleep.” 

 One of my favorite 80’s movies, “Real Genius,” came out in 1985 with Val Kilmer. Whenever I was manic, I would think of this film. I even watched it once while I was manic. One of the characters was a girl who didn’t need sleep, ever. She accomplished all sorts of fantastic feats while everyone else slept.  Before diagnosis with bipolar mania, I thought this character was amazing and that I was just like this character. She spoke really fast too, and had a short dark bob haircut just like me.

I think my favorite movie character who didn’t need sleep and spoke fast could have bipolar disorder. If you ever come across someone who doesn’t sleep and doesn’t miss it, believe me, they could be either mentally ill or on their way there. Now, I take medication to help me sleep. I have an emergency plan in place if I begin to have difficulties sleeping. I take my medication at the same time each night and I go to bed at the same time.  You could say I take sleep very seriously. I think now, “Sleep is not overrated.”

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