They Said I Couldn’t Do It

In 2005, I took a medication for bipolar disorder that caused extreme weight gain. I was no longer my size 6 and 135 pounds. I battled this for years and ended up taking another medication in 2009 also known for its weight gain. By 2010, at my 40^th birthday, I was a size 18 and weighed 216 pounds. Most of my weight was in my stomach, making me look like I had a huge beer belly or like I was very pregnant. I was asked when my baby was due on a daily basis.

Since most of my weight was in my stomach, I put my hopes in having liposuction to rid myself of the weight. When I consulted with two surgeons, they both said I wasn’t a good candidate for liposuction as my weight wasn’t on top of my muscle but behind it. I was devastated. One of the doctors said I would have to do it the old fashioned way, through diet and exercise. However, he said he doubted I could do it as I’m bipolar and it’s hard for people with bipolar to stick to anything. At first, I was offended by his words yet I wondered at their truth.

I have tried many diets over the years, hoping each one would hold a magical spell. Seven months ago I joined a different gym, Four Pillar Fitness in Bountiful, Utah. It’s a small gym with personal trainers. I began lifting weights twice a week and started seeing some results. Then in October 2012, the gym had a weight loss challenge where every individual won. I lost 10 pounds in addition to the 30 I had lost over the years. A month ago, I went to Max Muscle (nationwide chain) in Bountiful, Utah and began working with a nutrition coach. I lost another 10 pounds. Now, I’ve lost 50 pounds from my heaviest weight.

Not due to the diets I’ve been on, but I’ve chosen to not have a treat since before Thanksgiving. That is very atypical for me as I usually have a small piece of chocolate every night. Success is more important to me than food. In fact, I asked Santa to bring me no treats but a pair of running shoes instead. I plan to lose another 15-30 pounds and take up running or maybe even a triathlon.

I hate to admit that at my core, I’ve felt like a loser most of my life with many of my health problems holding me back from succeeding at my goals. I do see some truth in that doctor’s advice that a person with bipolar has a hard time sticking to anything. I know that I go from idea to idea. However, now that I’ve tasted a small piece of success, I can’t get enough. I read on one of those inspirational posters, “Nothing begets success like success.” I always wondered at its truth. I’ve found success to be desirable and motivational to further success.

I feel like a different person inside, happier and competent, able to face life with confidence. When I feel like caving on my diet in the evenings, I look at a picture of myself at my heaviest, drink some Crystal Light to curb my sweet tooth, go to bed and have sweet dreams of weighing myself in the morning.

May you make your dreams become a reality in 2013. I know I will. Happy New Year!!

All I Want for Christmas is You

I’ve been working at a retail store for the Christmas season. It's a local retail store mainly in the Midwest, similar to K-mart. Anyway, they have a Christmas playlist that loops every few hours.  All of the employees would agree, they’re not the best Christmas songs.

There isn’t a “Holy Night” or a “Rudolph the Red nosed reindeer” or even a “White Christmas.” Many of the songs are obscure and some downright depressing. But I found one song I kinda liked: “All I Want for Christmas is You.” I looked forward to every time it played.

I spent my first holiday month there helping with the Angel Tree. This is a program run by Salvation Army where needy kids and seniors are hooked up with individuals and families to supply their needs.

One young couple wwhoithout kids came in and the wife was very sweet and generous. She started picking out a girl name and then thought she should pick out a boy name too. Then she noticed a senior name and thought she should pick out a male and female senior as well. The donors had so much fun shopping for their “angels.”

I picked out a name for my family to do. His name was Oscar and he was 7 years old. What made me pick him was his simple Christmas wish…to own a basketball. We bought him the best basketball we could find along with other needed clothing items.

I was really touched by the generosity of some donors. I was especially touched when a couple brought back a new Barbie bike with all the bells and whistles for their “angel.” It was hard to keep from crying seeing and feeling so much Christmas spirit. Sometimes, the donors and I would cry together.

At work, sometimes I needed a lift, and then sure enough, the next song was “All I want for Christmas is you.” I swayed from side to side and thought of  who I most wanted for Christmas…God. It became our theme song. Sometimes I imagined us singing the song together, like a duet, like Sonny and Cher (for those old enough to remember.)

I recall one time I was feeling a little down at work. I took my break and went upstairs to the break room. Oddly enough, the break room was empty. I sat in a chair, closed my eyes and began to pray. Immediately, “our song” began to play: “All I want for Christmas is You.” I knew the timing was no coincidence as I batted the tears from my eyes.

Last night, my husband and I went to see “The Hobbit” movie at a movie theater in Farmington, Utah. When we left the theater and walked outside into the snowy cold, I heard a familiar sound. I also saw a colorful fountain in the distance. I brought my husband to the fountain where we heard “All I Want for Christmas is You” accompanied by a choreographed light and fountain display. 

We were the only people there. I didn’t mind the cold but my husband noticed an outside warmer. We stood in warmth while it lightly snowed. At the end of my favorite song, we kissed. Next to the fountain was a small outdoor ice skating rink and even a mailbox for Santa. It was a magical night. At the end of the song, the  music stopped and the lights and fountain went away. I knew that song was just for me.

I felt God’s love as He sang to me “All I want for Christmas is You.” Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!