I found a most beautiful shirt flocked with creme lace at Ross but in one size too small. I must admit I was bummed. Later that same shopping trip, l thought to look at dresses, which I never do. Among the dresses was the shirt I wanted but in the size I needed. My dream shirt was the only shirt out of place in the dress section.
With this small miracle, I started to believe in the universe again, that someone or something is watching out for me I had given up all hope on the infinite. It has been a few years since I believed ...in well, anything.I had an existential crisis in 2019 and threw the figurative spiritual baby out with the bathwater. Even though I didn't believe in a particular or any religion anymore, I threw out God, the Universe or anything divine. I simply stopped believing. In comparison to earlier years of believing, I felt very dark, lonely and confused. This existential crisis was very painful to my mind as I sought to unravel my brain's synapses with core religious beliefs.
Then I met with a spiritual advisor recently and shifted further. She gave my daughter Carinna an identical deck of star seed oracle cards to what I bought a few years ago.
Today, I opened up to a card in the guidebook about double the mission and being a light worker. I've always been driven to create and fulfill my specific mission in life as spoken of in my patriarchal blessing for my faith at age 12.
I've felt since a strong spiritual experience on Good Friday in 1999 that I could write books to help women especially. Little did I know that my future life experiences with upcoming bipolar in 2003 would be just what I needed to prepare me to fulfill this mission. I want to be a spiritual guru. Is that too much to want? Is any dream too big?
It's funny how life reminds us that we're not alone and someone is smiling down on us. Something as simple as finding my dream shirt in a store sparked long dormant spiritual feelings in me. It feels good to believe again in something greater than myself. And my dream shirt is very lovely too.
