It’s Day 3 and near halfway through the marriage experiment of “Ask and Ye shall Receive.” I’ve discovered a number of realizations so far:
·
My husband was more game for this experiment
than I thought he’d be.
·
I think men and women don’t do a very job at
expressing their needs and wants.
·
I think men and women have more common needs
than one might think
Since this experiment came across as a game or science
experiment, my husband was more likely to write his needs on a sticky note than
to talk about them in a counseling appointment.
Today my four year old daughter said “I want a yogurt and I
want a puppy.” She expressed her needs and wants very clearly. Few people I
know go around and say “I want attention and I need to feel appreciated.”
http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=1376241
Let me tell you about the first three days of the marriage
experiment. The first day, my sticky
note said “Kiss me Recklessly.” My husband’s said “Greet me warmly when I get
home.” I realized that I was often distracted and didn’t know of my husband’s
need to be appreciated when he got home. My husband responded warmly to my own
warmth and it lingered the rest of the night.
The second day, my sticky note said “Flattery will get you
everywhere” and my husband’s said “Compliment me.” I asked my spouse if he
copied mine and he said, “No.” I knew I had a need to be complimented but didn’t
think it was important to my husband. And, yes, we’ve been married for twenty
years.
The third day, my husband’s note said, “Give me a full body
massage” and I had already planned to put up “Warm me with your hands,” I was
beginning to feel spooked and a little foolish that we both had similar needs. I
found we have a common need to be appreciated, expressed in words, actions, and
touch.
The marriage experiment made us both open to each other’s attempts at
filling each other’s needs. I feel a little foolish as we seem like plants that
both need sunlight and water applied to us but we never speak that we have the
same needs.I look forward to reporting on the rest of our week and seeing if it's possible to jumpstart a 20 year marriage in only seven days. God created the world in just seven days, so we'll see...
