Little Sister is Funny Too! (Debut of little sister and Carinna with a s...

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Grandma and the Goat (my amazing daughter with special needs has a speci...

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Grandma and the Talking Banana (featuring special needs daughter and Mom...

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Join the Love Revolution

You know how people judge each other by classification based on wealth, beauty, status, intelligence, and power? Well, what if society judged others on how well we loved each other? By how much love we held in our heart and loved others. How well would certain people stack up? The highest ranking would probably go to the people most looked down upon now. For instance, special needs individuals are looked down upon for their low IQ (intelligence quotient) but give out the most love and have the most zest for life. However, they have a high LQ (love quotient-I just made that up).

In a society based on love, individuals with special needs would be ranked highly. Wealthy people who happen to be selfish (I realize not all wealthy people are selfish) would be ranked low. However, the selfish may not be looked down upon because the society is based on love and those in high positions of love would just love them as the selfish are the needy ones now. As I've shared this concept with others, they immediately say "that will never happen" or "it will be a very long time until it does." I agree things won't change overnight. But I am personally committed to do all I can to make a society based on love happen. Will you join the cause of the love revolution? Enlist today.

The Funnest General Conference Ever!

Preparations began in the morning. I researched and printed out fun activities for the kids. Janessa pasted together the bingo cards. Carinna divvied out the M&M’s and other candies for bingo and just for eating, putting a few extra in her own bag. Ron roused our teenage son Ryan out of bed. We all met at 10 am MST in our family room to watch two hours of church on TV (the General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, held two weekends a year for the 15 million members worldwide.) Normally, this is an endurance test for kids and parents alike. But today was surprisingly different.

Carinna and Janessa had a sheet to checkmark every time they saw things like a men’s tie, glasses, the organ… When the TV camera panned across the 21,000 LDS members attending the conference where it was being broadcast, Janessa tried to keep up checking off all the ties she saw on all the men there. Bingo became quite competitive to see who would hear a bingo topic first and win. I was surprised how well the children listened and picked up on the topics being addressed.

Then the real fun began. Every time I stood up to mark my bingo page on the coffee table, one or more of my children would pile clothes or stuffed animals on my seat for me to sit back on. Janessa would say “The speaker said ‘love’ Mom, mark it on your bingo.” I’d get up to mark it on my bingo and sure enough, I sat back down on a pile of clothes or stuffed animals. Then Janessa would say, “I tricked you, Mom. The speaker didn’t say ‘love.’” I feigned surprise each time and the game went on and on. We tickled, joked and laughed.

There were coloring contests of who could color the best picture of the prophet and first presidency, including accurate tie color. Did you notice the prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, wore a purple tie? During the closing song, we took turns lip syncing in an operatic style to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. The more dramatic, the better. I thought I was watching Mr. Bean lip sync in the movie “Mr. Bean’s Holiday.” Toward the end of the Sunday morning session of General Conference, I blurted out, “This was the funnest General Conference ever!” Everyone laughed and agreed.

During the closing prayer, I held Janessa close in my arms. After the prayer, Ryan and Carinna played Adventure Time and were having a sword fight with Carinna’s new Finn’s Golden Sword. Ron asked Carinna if she wanted to go to Grandma’s house. Carinna said “No, I want to hang out with Ryan.” I never thought I would hear those words come from her lips with how they usually get along. More fun ensued with eating chips with lunch (Carinna’s favorite) and talk of making brownies or cookie dough with M&M’s later in the afternoon. Isn't life good?!

Before conference, Janessa was looking for an object and we said a prayer and found it. I said “Prayer works” and Janessa shared her witness of prayer working in finding other lost objects. During lunch, Carinna and I spoke of how we only have afflictions during this life and how our bodies will be perfect when we’re resurrected like Jesus. Carinna asked, “You mean I won’t have anxiety anymore?” I replied in the affirmative. Then Carinna exclaimed, “I can’t wait to get to heaven!” I kinda felt like I had a glimpse of heaven today. I can’t say our watching General Conference was the most reverent, but the kids were engaged, having fun and feeling love. It truly was the “funnest General Conference ever!”

Don’t Worry, Be Happy…Now

Many people live in the past of what might have been or remember past regrets or hurts. Many people live in the future of worrying about what may or may not ever happen. When it comes to happiness, most people live in the future deciding they will only be happy when they get a better job, a better body, a better relationship, etc. 

I believe few people have found the secret to being happy now and being content with what they have. Dale Carnegie said, “Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get”

Why keep putting off happiness? Why spend so much time and mental exertion worrying?  Jesus taught that we should not worry about what tomorrow may or not bring. Phillipians 4:6 says “be anxious for nothing” and Matthew 6:34 says "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself."

Worry and fear are the antithesis of faith. If we want less worry in our lives, we need to have more faith. We need to trust God has a plan for our lives, He knows what He is doing and that He really wants our happiness.  Henry Ford said, "I believe God is managing affairs and that He doesn't need any advice from me. With God in charge, I believe everything will work out for the best in the end. So what is there to worry about."

I love what Mahatma Gandhi had to say, "There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever." Ouch! Easier said than done but that quote was a wakeup call for me.

The song, “Don’t worry, be happy” may seem too carefree an answer for life’s questions but I believe there is much truth in the Jamaican song by Bobby McFerrin: 

“In every life we have some trouble
When you worry you make it double
Don’t worry, Be Happy.” 

Eckhart Tolle supports living in the present or now and said “When you accept what is, every moment is the best moment…That is the meaning of enlightenment.” 

I have found that being happy isn’t just a coincidence or a byproduct of good fortune; it’s a decision. I can choose to be happy. I can choose to be happy now. I can also choose not to worry. Leo Buscaglia said, "Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy." I can choose to be thankful for everything God has given me at this moment. I can choose to have faith that God will care for me just as He cares for the “lilies of the field” (Matthew 6:28)

What about legitimate concerns to worry about, “Where will my next paycheck come from? How can I save my marriage? How can I help my wayward child?” God gave this answer and solution: “Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?...For your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. (Matthew 6:31-33)

Martin Luther said "Pray, and let God worry." I think it’s good to give it to God. But I doubt God worries at all. God is a magnificent being of total faith and forward movement. We can try to follow God’s perfect example. St. Augustine wisely said, “Pray as if everything depends on God, work as if everything depends on you.”  

Jason Gray wrote a Christian song called “Good to be Alive.” I echo his words:

“I wanna live like there's no tomorrow
Love like I'm on borrowed time
It's good to be alive
I won’t take it for granted
I won’t waste another second
All I want is to give you
A life well lived, to say ‘thank you’”

I hope you’ll join me in a renewed effort to trust in God and to choose not to worry but to be happy now. We’re in God’s hands so what do we have to worry about? And what better way to show we’re grateful and trust in God than to be choose to be happy now?

Close Calls Averted by Prayer

This past week we had heavy snowfall in Northern Utah. The morning after the storm, I went to my gym, Four Pillar Fitness. Neither the entryway nor parking lot had been plowed. I attempted to enter the parking lot without much success. My wheels were spinning and I seemed stuck. I didn’t want to be stuck so I said a prayer of power and revved the car again. This time I was set free and made it into the parking lot.

Once in my gym, my personal trainer John told me he saw it all and laughed the whole way. He gave me the tip to not rev my engine going out. When I left the gym, I easily exited the parking lot and I didn’t rev the engine. Technically, I shouldn’t have gotten into the entryway with my techniques. But add prayer to the mix and anything’s possible.

Fast forward to another day this week. I dropped off my husband at his work so I could have a car while our van was being fixed. On the way home, I took the I-215 beltway. It was littered with accidents from black ice. On one section, I noticed the cars in front of me slowing down quickly. At that rate of speed, I knew that I would crash into the car in front of me. I didn’t know what to do as I saw the approaching danger. Then all of a sudden, the car in front of me slid on black ice and slid over to an adjoining lane. So, I didn’t run into a car. The car behind me barely missed hitting me. I attribute this to my morning prayers.

Later that morning, I left home to walk down the stairs to my garage to go on some errands. Only it’s not that easy. I have both arms full of stuff to return as I walk blindly toward the wooden stairs. Unknown to me, my right boot steps into the loops of a heavy garbage bag which is then pulled behind me. This throws me completely off center and I am propelled forward. My arms are still full of packages and a large garbage bag is stuck to my foot as I go down each step.

I am sure I would faceplant on my cement floor at the base of the stairs. I couldn’t control myself as I plunked down, down on each stair. I wondered what my fate would be when I crashed. Then it happened. I landed. I surveyed the damage. I was standing upright with packages still in my arms and a heavy garbage bag attached to my foot. I wasn’t hurt in the slightest. My reaction was to laugh and laugh and laugh. God took care of me. I didn’t need to worry at all.

Sometimes things don’t go right, even when we pray. But I am a firm believer in prayer. I have seen it in action. I have seen it protect me and my family in remarkable ways. If you’re not praying now, will you give God a chance to work miracles in your lives?

Sugar Cookies vs. Me

Last Thursday, I had a meeting with my nutrition coach at Max Muscle in Bountiful. I had good news. In two weeks time, I lost 5 pounds, lost 1” from my stomach and lost 2% body fat. I was feeling pretty psyched. Then came temptation. Duh Duh Duh.

My kids had been bugging me for a long time to go to Orange Leaf in Bountiful, a frozen yogurt store where you pile on the toppings and pay by the ounce. On Saturday, I decided to take them there. But I knew I had to be prepared or I might succumb.

I had just taken a class earlier that day from the Green Smoothie Girl so I decided to make a green smoothie and take it with me to the frozen yogurt store. When I got to the store, I noticed they had a sugar free chocolate frozen yogurt flavor. I tried a small taste of it and it tasted so sugary. I passed the frozen yogurt test.

Now on to the toppings. Everything looked so good, especially the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. But with green smoothie in hand, I walked past them and paid for my children’s creations and bought nothing for myself. Victory! But the war isn’t over.

Sunday came. I had long promised to do sugar cookies with my kids over the holidays. Not a good idea. Normally, I’m not into sugar cookies. But it’s been over 1 ½ months since I’ve had sugar and almost anything seems tempting. 

Sugar cookies involve the senses, in the patting, the rolling, the cutting, the decorating, sugar cookie dough all over my hands. I felt like I was surrounded by sugar cookies. I felt weak and had a small piece of dough. Then I wanted more but I forced myself to stop. But I felt weakened the rest of the night. How could I go on in my diet?

Later that night, I read in a local wellness magazine about a professional weight loss coach named Tamara Watt and her personal transformation. It was very inspiring. I went to her website and saw this quote: “The pain of staying the same became greater than the pain of change, so I changed!” It stopped me in my sugar cookie tracks. I don’t want to remain the same. I want to change, to become my personal best.

I began looking for motivational quotes that might help me get back on track. In all, I realized I need to recognize my limits and avoid temptation. I found a very applicable quote from Claudia Gray, Evernight: “Self-knowledge is better than self-control any day," Raquel said firmly. "And I know myself well enough to know how I act around cookies.” Amen, sister!

Do what you need to do to stay motivated. It may be hard now but you’ll thank yourself later. Albert Einstein said that insanity is “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” How bad do you want it? Are you willing to change in order to get what you want? I hope I can triumph and win the skirmishes and the war over myself. That’s the biggest victory of all.

They Said I Couldn’t Do It

In 2005, I took a medication for bipolar disorder that caused extreme weight gain. I was no longer my size 6 and 135 pounds. I battled this for years and ended up taking another medication in 2009 also known for its weight gain. By 2010, at my 40^th birthday, I was a size 18 and weighed 216 pounds. Most of my weight was in my stomach, making me look like I had a huge beer belly or like I was very pregnant. I was asked when my baby was due on a daily basis.

Since most of my weight was in my stomach, I put my hopes in having liposuction to rid myself of the weight. When I consulted with two surgeons, they both said I wasn’t a good candidate for liposuction as my weight wasn’t on top of my muscle but behind it. I was devastated. One of the doctors said I would have to do it the old fashioned way, through diet and exercise. However, he said he doubted I could do it as I’m bipolar and it’s hard for people with bipolar to stick to anything. At first, I was offended by his words yet I wondered at their truth.

I have tried many diets over the years, hoping each one would hold a magical spell. Seven months ago I joined a different gym, Four Pillar Fitness in Bountiful, Utah. It’s a small gym with personal trainers. I began lifting weights twice a week and started seeing some results. Then in October 2012, the gym had a weight loss challenge where every individual won. I lost 10 pounds in addition to the 30 I had lost over the years. A month ago, I went to Max Muscle (nationwide chain) in Bountiful, Utah and began working with a nutrition coach. I lost another 10 pounds. Now, I’ve lost 50 pounds from my heaviest weight.

Not due to the diets I’ve been on, but I’ve chosen to not have a treat since before Thanksgiving. That is very atypical for me as I usually have a small piece of chocolate every night. Success is more important to me than food. In fact, I asked Santa to bring me no treats but a pair of running shoes instead. I plan to lose another 15-30 pounds and take up running or maybe even a triathlon.

I hate to admit that at my core, I’ve felt like a loser most of my life with many of my health problems holding me back from succeeding at my goals. I do see some truth in that doctor’s advice that a person with bipolar has a hard time sticking to anything. I know that I go from idea to idea. However, now that I’ve tasted a small piece of success, I can’t get enough. I read on one of those inspirational posters, “Nothing begets success like success.” I always wondered at its truth. I’ve found success to be desirable and motivational to further success.

I feel like a different person inside, happier and competent, able to face life with confidence. When I feel like caving on my diet in the evenings, I look at a picture of myself at my heaviest, drink some Crystal Light to curb my sweet tooth, go to bed and have sweet dreams of weighing myself in the morning.

May you make your dreams become a reality in 2013. I know I will. Happy New Year!!

All I Want for Christmas is You

I’ve been working at a retail store for the Christmas season. It's a local retail store mainly in the Midwest, similar to K-mart. Anyway, they have a Christmas playlist that loops every few hours.  All of the employees would agree, they’re not the best Christmas songs.

There isn’t a “Holy Night” or a “Rudolph the Red nosed reindeer” or even a “White Christmas.” Many of the songs are obscure and some downright depressing. But I found one song I kinda liked: “All I Want for Christmas is You.” I looked forward to every time it played.

I spent my first holiday month there helping with the Angel Tree. This is a program run by Salvation Army where needy kids and seniors are hooked up with individuals and families to supply their needs.

One young couple wwhoithout kids came in and the wife was very sweet and generous. She started picking out a girl name and then thought she should pick out a boy name too. Then she noticed a senior name and thought she should pick out a male and female senior as well. The donors had so much fun shopping for their “angels.”

I picked out a name for my family to do. His name was Oscar and he was 7 years old. What made me pick him was his simple Christmas wish…to own a basketball. We bought him the best basketball we could find along with other needed clothing items.

I was really touched by the generosity of some donors. I was especially touched when a couple brought back a new Barbie bike with all the bells and whistles for their “angel.” It was hard to keep from crying seeing and feeling so much Christmas spirit. Sometimes, the donors and I would cry together.

At work, sometimes I needed a lift, and then sure enough, the next song was “All I want for Christmas is you.” I swayed from side to side and thought of  who I most wanted for Christmas…God. It became our theme song. Sometimes I imagined us singing the song together, like a duet, like Sonny and Cher (for those old enough to remember.)

I recall one time I was feeling a little down at work. I took my break and went upstairs to the break room. Oddly enough, the break room was empty. I sat in a chair, closed my eyes and began to pray. Immediately, “our song” began to play: “All I want for Christmas is You.” I knew the timing was no coincidence as I batted the tears from my eyes.

Last night, my husband and I went to see “The Hobbit” movie at a movie theater in Farmington, Utah. When we left the theater and walked outside into the snowy cold, I heard a familiar sound. I also saw a colorful fountain in the distance. I brought my husband to the fountain where we heard “All I Want for Christmas is You” accompanied by a choreographed light and fountain display. 

We were the only people there. I didn’t mind the cold but my husband noticed an outside warmer. We stood in warmth while it lightly snowed. At the end of my favorite song, we kissed. Next to the fountain was a small outdoor ice skating rink and even a mailbox for Santa. It was a magical night. At the end of the song, the  music stopped and the lights and fountain went away. I knew that song was just for me.

I felt God’s love as He sang to me “All I want for Christmas is You.” Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

Learning to Dance with God

I woke up Sunday morning, turned on some music, and began to get ready for church. (The music was Mehdi, Instrumental Heaven, Volume 7.) The music was soft instrumental with piano and a latin beat. I always look at my favorite picture of Jesus on my bathroom mirror while I get ready. I talk to Jesus and sometimes hear His voice in my mind talking back to me. But today was different. I listened to the music, looked at the portrait of Jesus and began to dance.

It might have looked like shadow dancing to anyone else. But to me it was real. God and I cha-cha’d back and forth. God twirled me around and we began again. We spoke intimately of life’s meaning, my concerns and of God’s love for me. We danced, song after song. I cried, song after song, wondering if I’d ever get my makeup on.

Then, some beautiful piano music played and I realized it was God tinkling the ivories, just for me. I cried all the more. I was thankful no male voice was on this CD. I couldn’t bear the beauty of hearing God’s voice. Just thinking of it makes me tremble.

God sensed all my thoughts. I told him of my problems with bipolar disorder, wondering if I’d make it back to Him. Then God’s gentle voice came very clear, “It’s only for this life” along with some sage advice, “Just take it one day at a time” and “I will help you.” Somehow hearing it from God made the truth resonate in my soul. I believed Him, really believed Him.

 

I heard a Christian song later that day that said I (God) “may let you bend but I won’t let you break.” I immediately thought of doing the “dip” dance move with God and of trials. He bends us back to the point of being unsure we can take it any longer. But God doesn’t let us fall. He lifts us up and creates a beautiful dance move.

I believe we all can learn to dance with God in our lives. Do we allow God to take the lead in our lives or do we struggle to take the lead, not seeking God’s will? Are we in sync with God, in fluid movement or all we all “left feet”?

God is very real to me. So is His love. Open yourself to feel the love of God today. Take some time alone, ponder and talk to God. You might be surprised. God loves you deeply and wants you to know how much He loves you.

P.S. What’s really cool is that I had this experience on 11/11/12. 11 is my favorite number, 11:11 is my favorite time and 11/11 is my favorite day. When I see any of these, I think of God and of how much I love Him. I believe I had this experience on 11/11 because God wants to show His love for me. There go the tears again. This glimpse of God’s love has empowered me to face life with greater strength. I look forward to a real embrace and dancing the cha-cha when I see God at last.

God Rocks: One Day’s Proof!

No, I didn’t fall off the face of the earth…but I did end up taking a break during the summer and beginning of school for my high school, junior high and kindergarten students.

I’m always telling people how many small miracles I have in my life, evidences of God’s help and love. Just last Sunday, I needed a certain shirt for one of my children to get ready for church. I suspected it was in a pile of clothes on the floor. The first article I put my hands on and pulled out was the needed one. God rocks!

Well, I decided to write down these small miracles over a day’s time period, from yesterday afternoon to this morning. Yesterday afternoon, I went to the grocery store. I parked far from the cart return. I was about to turn and find out how far I needed to go. Then I saw a young store employee headed my way from quite a distance across the parking lot. Yes, indeed, he picked up my grocery cart and made my day a little easier. God rocks!

Last night, my youngest child couldn’t find her blanket which she uses at bedtime. My husband began the search for her blanket. He’s the best finder and I have complete confidence in his finding skills. However, this time he was unsuccessful. This was not good as my daughter needs her blanket to go to sleep. You know what I mean.

I thought I’d give it a whirl and search by prayer and inspiration. I said a prayer and headed downstairs. I looked in a couple areas. Then I was really thirsty. I walked into a darkened kitchen. I drank the last sip out of my cup. I picked up my cup to look at it and noticed something in the dark on the counter beside it…my daughter’s blanket. God rocks!

This morning, I needed to find a specific recipe in a very messy cookbook. I opened the cookbook, preparing for a search. But I opened the cookbook right to the very recipe I needed. God rocks!

Also today, I realized that I forgot to buy some small candies for a spiritual bingo for a family activity later this morning. I was looking for a crockpot lid and opened a bag which contained mini-m&ms and other candies. God rocks!

I can see the many ways God seeks to help me. Is God aware of me? Does God love me? Does God want to help me? I answer that with a resounding “Yes!” Does God love all His children? Of course. Does God love you? You betcha! Does God want to help you? Sure thing! Does God delight when we notice Him in our lives? Yep!

I encourage each of you to jot down all the amazing things that happen to you for a few days. You may notice and feel God’s love in a whole new way.

Marriage Experiment: Home Run

If you’re new to the Marriage Experiment series, please read the last two blog entries before reading this conclusion. Basically, I came up with an idea to better express our needs to our partner in a fun way and to serve each other. All you need for the idea is your imagination and sticky notes. Come up with seven requests, one for each day of the week, for your spouse. Have your spouse do the same for you and off you go.

Let me tell you how the last four days of our marriage experiment went. One day, I walked into the bathroom to see the sticky note my husband left for me. I burst out laughing. My husband wanted to know what was so funny. His note said “Surprise me.” I laughed because my note for him that day was going to be “Surprise me.” We found some enjoyable ways to surprise one another. On another day, my sticky note said “Spend time with me” and my husband’s note said “Go on a walk or bike ride with me.” I chronicled in my Halfway Point how our needs seemed to be similar. My husband’s last note said “Romance me” and my note to him read “Makeout like when we dated.” It definitely ended on a high note.

http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=1101776

I’ve shared some things I learned. I discovered that my husband and I have basically the same needs to be loved and appreciated and that it doesn’t take long to rekindle a spark and interest in each other. That week’s worth of sticky notes may be worth more than any marital counseling or retreat. But don’t take my word for it. Here is my husband’s account:

 “This experiment surprised me on several accounts. First, I wasn’t sure if it would be just more work. But it turned out to be fun.
 
As the days went on, I was surprised out how much I enjoyed it. There was a new surprise waiting for me each day as both an “assignment” and an expectation. Casandra wasn’t exactly sure how I would full-fill her request and I hers. I was also surprised how some days our requests seemed to work well with each other. In fact at least once we had the same request on the same day. There were days when both of us really didn’t have the time to complete the assignment satisfactory. In those cases, we both agreed to extend the time to complete it an extra day or so. That way, it didn’t get forgotten or seem unimportant.
 
 I think this was helpful in another way as well. Instead of trying to second-guess what the other was thinking or expecting, we both knew what the other was expecting. In that way our communication improved. I also learned a few things about our relationship. Such as it doesn’t always take much to make her feel loved.”

After 20 years of marriage, I guess there are still things to learn about each other and what each other needs to feel appreciated and loved. If my husband with three jobs can find a few minutes to fulfill this experiment, I think anyone could.

I invite you to take the sticky note challenge and make discoveries about your own relationship.

Marriage Experiment: Halfway Point

It’s Day 3 and near halfway through the marriage experiment of “Ask and Ye shall Receive.” I’ve discovered a number of realizations so far:

·        My husband was more game for this experiment than I thought he’d be.

·        I think men and women don’t do a very job at expressing their needs and wants.

·        I think men and women have more common needs than one might think

Since this experiment came across as a game or science experiment, my husband was more likely to write his needs on a sticky note than to talk about them in a counseling appointment.

Today my four year old daughter said “I want a yogurt and I want a puppy.” She expressed her needs and wants very clearly. Few people I know go around and say “I want attention and I need to feel appreciated.”

http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=1376241

Let me tell you about the first three days of the marriage experiment.  The first day, my sticky note said “Kiss me Recklessly.” My husband’s said “Greet me warmly when I get home.” I realized that I was often distracted and didn’t know of my husband’s need to be appreciated when he got home. My husband responded warmly to my own warmth and it lingered the rest of the night.

The second day, my sticky note said “Flattery will get you everywhere” and my husband’s said “Compliment me.” I asked my spouse if he copied mine and he said, “No.” I knew I had a need to be complimented but didn’t think it was important to my husband. And, yes, we’ve been married for twenty years.

The third day, my husband’s note said, “Give me a full body massage” and I had already planned to put up “Warm me with your hands,” I was beginning to feel spooked and a little foolish that we both had similar needs. I found we have a common need to be appreciated, expressed in words, actions, and touch. 

The marriage experiment made us both open to each other’s attempts at filling each other’s needs. I feel a little foolish as we seem like plants that both need sunlight and water applied to us but we never speak that we have the same needs.I look forward to reporting on the rest of our week and seeing if it's possible to jumpstart a 20 year marriage in only seven days. God created the world in just seven days, so we'll see...

Marriage Experiment: The Beginning

 I have been married for 20 years this July. But I don’t feel particularly romantic or like a newlywed anymore. So, I had this idea to revitalize the romance in my marriage. Feel free to play along. It goes along with Matthew 7:7 “Ask, and it shall be given you…” It’s a fun game to ask for what you want and to serve your partner with what they want. Come up with a minimum of seven clever phrases (one for each day of the week), such as “Kiss me recklessly,” “Surprise me,” “Makeout like a teenager,” and “Flattery will get you everywhere.” Make it as direct or as wishful as you like. Make this your new playlist. Put each idea onto a separate sticky note. Each day, put a new sticky note onto your partner’s bathroom mirror or another clever location. Your partner will put a sticky note of his own for you to see. Then it’s time to serve and have fun, fun, fun.

Reality: I came up with my phrases and shared them with my husband. He has three jobs so he’s pretty busy. At first, he balked at having time for all this. I said “This will take less than five minutes a day.” Then I added, “You could even start with one minute.” My husband agreed that he could spare one minute a day. He also agreed to write down seven statements of his own for me to fulfill. I wanted to be surprised so I’ll clue you in on his statements next week

Later that evening, my husband told me he really liked my clever statements and he spent a lot more time with me than five minutes. We felt like newlyweds even before the experiment began.

http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=1068350

Part of the premise for this experiment is my belief that God can restore all things. If your marriage was good at one point, it can be made good again. I know that marriages don’t always work out, but it’s good to try. I found some intriguing Old Testament scriptures, such as “Now therefore restore the man his wife” (Genesis 20:7) and “Restore all that was hers, and all the fruits of the field since the day that she left the land, even until now.” (2 Kings 7:6). Plus, we know the story of Job who lost his wife, his children, his health, his assets…but eventually had everything restored.

This is similar to the poem “The Master’s Touch.” At an auction, a violin was presented as dusty, beat up, and out of tune. No one saw the worth of the violin. When placed in the Master’s Hands and dusted off and tuned, the violin played a sweet song. The violin was auctioned for a great price. I think of our marriages like the violin, of inherent worth even when a little dusty and out of tune. The Master’s Touch (or God) can restore our marriages to their former splendor. 

Maybe it can just take a week to jumpstart the romance of our marriages. Share your experiences with me. I'll fill you in after this week. Get out those sticky notes…

Repenting for Shoes

I felt guilty from the start. I had a bad feeling. Yet I wanted them. I really wanted them.

I had seen them before. Pleasing to the eye. A bit worldly. Aah, what was I fooling myself? They were glitzy. Or, maybe I was fooling myself.

I went to my local Payless shoe store to buy needed shoes for my youngest child. But a pair of purple glittery sandals caught my eye. I didn’t need them but they wouldn’t leave my mind. Times were tight and I should be watching my spending. They were very tempting. I thought I might go back and try them on. I felt bad about this. Really bad, like I was making a wrong choice.

My desire overruled the warning feeling I felt. Later that day, I drove back to the shoe store although I still felt bad. I couldn’t resist those glitzy purple sandals. I made my choice and drove home with the purple sandals and another pair of shoes since it was BOGO (buy one get one half off).

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I tried on the sandals at home. They looked beautiful on my feet but they seemed tighter than in the store. I began to think the purple sandals were too tight even for fashion’s sake. Alas, I decided to return them to the store. My bad feeling was right. I felt guilty for my tempted choice. These shoes weren’t right for me and had cost money and time. The shoe bag with the two boxes seemed heavy as I carried it into the store. I waited for the clerk to process my refund and take my pride and vanity off my hands. I walked out of the store lighter without the shoe boxes and richer with the refund money and the lessons learned.

I wondered if repentance was a little like that. We see something, lust after it, feel tempted by it. We feel we shouldn’t act on it, yet succumb and feel guilty. To cleanse our conscience, we rid ourselves of what makes us guilty and weighs us down. We exchange our heavy burden of sin to the Savior and in exchange we feel cleansed and lighter which is worth more than the money received for a refund.

I was thankful to learn a lesson that day with shoes rather than something more serious. God is merciful. I had bought a beautiful pair of turquoise sandals a few days ago, anyway.

The Fun of Journals

Today began with a game of tag. My youngest daughter has beautiful long blonde wavy hair like Rapunzel and I pretended to want it. “Don’t touch my hair,” my daughter sang in a sing-song voice. We played this game of tag off and on throughout the day. Isn’t it fun to have fun?

Then I was productive, going through the clothes in her room. Finally, we needed to pick up the books off the floor and put them in her bookshelf. I got a timer and off she went stacking books, so proud of herself. (I wish I gave myself more credit for the things I do.)

Then we went into my room and she suggested we have a fashion show. I waited while she changed in my closet.  Out she came with a brown faux fur vest and enormous fur-lined black boots. My daughter announced the fashion show was beginning. Then she began to sing how she was a brown bear who liked to eat berries and honey and roar. Her roar was very convincing. Then she changed into a gray fox and sang another song, complete with the cutest howl “Aa-Ooh.” I clapped for a long time.

Then my daughter announced that it was my turn to model in the fashion show. I changed into a different brown faux fur vest. She made sure I announced the fashion show properly…and that I sing. Like a kid, I was spontaneous and made up a song. First I was a bear. My daughter said my roar scared her. Next instead of a fox, I decided to be a gray wolf. She asked me to change again.

I thought I’d change into a glam girl, complete with glitter and sequins. My daughter joined me in the changing room and picked out a Mickey Mouse shirt with glitter, a turquoise glitter scarf and a hat with silver sequins. I suggested I turn on some dance music and she agreed. Then we danced for several songs. My daughter looked like a break dancer.

After lunch, we went to play at a park. I watched her make instant friends with all the kids there. They came up with a game where one person was the storekeeper inside the rock climbing wall and gave dirt through the holes to the kids outside. The kids outside then deposited the dirt on a dirt pyramid structure. Dirt was everywhere yet the kids made it a prized commodity.. (I don’t know if I could have come up with such a unique game.)

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When we got home from the park, I prompted my daughter to wash her hands and face. She asked me to help her. While I was washing her face, I put my fingers under her top lip and made funny faces. We laughed and laughed. Then she wanted to do the same for me. I must have more flexible lips because I looked like “Mr. Ed” braying. We laughed for the longest time. (I highly recommend this activity.)

Then it was time for my daughter to practice writing her name. She kept asking to write more and more. Mistakes didn’t phase her. She just kept trying. (I wish I was more like that.)

The evening weather was pleasant outside so my two daughters went in our front yard. My oldest daughter wanted to play croquet/putt-putt. My youngest daughter wanted to play softball so they combined the two. Recently my youngest daughter did well at a bean bag toss for Easter. Well, tonight she did well hitting the ball. (Does anyone remember the excitement of finding out a talent?)

I’m so glad I wrote down these small events. When I went back to my journal, I was surprised at what I had forgotten even a couple days later. I’ve been keeping a regular journal since 1986 but it’s never too late to begin. Even writing down one trip or even one memorable day can make a difference. My kids love to hear me read about themselves in my journals. Not only did I remember that fun day, I gained what adults can learn from children. Of the day above, I wrote “It was a great day! I’m very happy to be a Mom.”

Temptation Spray

I was doing my morning ritual. Brushing my teeth and then using my special        12 hour mouthwash, that’s 12 hours against bad breath. I spray on my perfume. For some reason, I imagined a spray to ward off temptation, also lasting 12 hours. Prayer is the activator, needed morning and night. “Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matt. 26:41.)

It’s funny how when I am exposed to temptation, I find it, er…tempting. Sometimes, it seems I’m surrounded by a storm and I can’t see straight to find my way out. Everything seems confusing and I have a hard time making up my mind.

The way I view temptation is this: I'm safe and warm in my house with my family. The devil through temptation wants to tempt or lure us away from our safety. The devil will try to get us to start by looking out the window and be curious about evil. If the devil can get us to open the door a crack, he has got us.

As you may have guessed, I was exposed to temptation recently. It took me by surprise. I didn’t know what to do and I thought I could solve it myself (stupid thought). Avoidance of evil is always best. But I’ve heard this promise before which always gives me hope: “There hath no temptation taketh you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it” (1 Cor. 10:13.)

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Usually when I am faced with temptation, I listen to the song, “Slow Fade” by Casting Crowns. It sounds a lot like “See no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil” and I imagine monkeys acting it out. The song goes like this: “Be careful little eyes what you see - It’s the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings…It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away – It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray – Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be made – When you give yourself away – People never crumble in a day  - It’s a slow fade…Be careful if you think you stand – You just might be sinking.” Listening to this song usually snaps me out of it. But I was beyond that this time.

The first night of my temptation, I opened in my scriptures and I read verses about the devil wanting my soul. Very comforting-not really. The second night, I opened in my scriptures about God always delivering His people. I felt very comforted and that things would work out. I just wasn’t sure how. I also didn’t know how I could endure this temptation much longer.

The third night of my temptation, I was talking with a trusted girlfriend about this issue. She offered sage advice:  “You know what to do, you just have to do it.” While talking, I was building up strength to face and defeat temptation. Immediately after I got off the phone, I found out my temptation had been taken away from me. God knew it was too great for me. God knew I wanted to do what was right. So He took it away from me. Sometimes we’re strengthened and sometimes our obstacle is removed. I felt such peace in comparison to my imprisonment. I praised God that day for delivering me, just like I had read in the scriptures. The Lord's Prayer says "Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil." Temptation could lurk around any corner. To be safe, always pray and put on your temptation spray before going out.

I was in a Pickle

I was in a pickle, a serious pickle. My husband lost his job, along with his insurance benefits, over six months ago. Just before he lost his job, I got mail order for my medications which lasted three months. Two of my mood stabilizers for bipolar disorder are costly without insurance. Abilify is $800/month and Seroquel is $1000/month. I’ve been trying to figure out how not to pay the full price as I am unable. I checked out the assistance programs offered by the pharmaceutical companies themselves. I found out I didn’t qualify. I asked my two doctors for samples to get by. They had some samples of Abilify but none of Seroquel. I later discovered that Seroquel was supposed to come out in generic form sometime this year so the samples had stopped.

In going through my meds, I found some expired Seroquel XR (the extended version) samples. I thought I’d try them to extend out my supply. Bad idea. After trying the expired Seroquel XR for a couple days, I became very suicidal. I kept praying for a miracle. Then my husband came across a Canadian pharmacy that had the generic version of Seroquel for a great price. The downside was they didn’t know how long it would take for the shipment to go through customs. It could be two weeks to one month or more. And I only had two weeks of Seroquel left. And that was after decreasing my Seroquel by 1/3 to extend my supply. This could be a crazy idea as I could quickly shift into mania, my worst nightmare.

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Well, I seem to be holding steady but wondering what to do when my supply is gone. I have felt like I am in captivity waiting to be delivered. I had a dream of receiving my Seroquel shipment in the mail but I didn’t recall when that would be. I told God that if He provided a miracle, I would give Him credit and write it in my blog. Last night, I looked at my email briefly on my phone. I noticed an email from the founder of my bipolar support group but it had no subject. I almost didn’t open it. But I'm glad I did. 

These were the contents:

“Good news. For those who are on Seroquel. Regular Seroquel , NOT the XR,  is now available at WalMart Pharmacies in generic form. BIG SAVINGS.

 Just thought you might want to know.”

I screamed, jumped up and down and began to cry. In the nick of time, I had been delivered. Of all the weeks for Seroquel to be released in generic form, it was released when I needed it most. Sometimes, I wonder why God does that. He waits until the last possible moment and then helps us. I think He likes a little drama, a drumroll, to test our faith before He provides a miracle, and to make the story of our life interesting.

As I waited to be delivered from my captivity, I thought about the Savior of the world also coming to deliver us from captivity, from sin and death. As Easter Sunday approaches, this promise is for you: “Then they cried unto the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them out of their distresses” (Psalms 107:6.) Happy Easter!

P.S. Later today...You won't believe it. I ran an errand today and came back home to see a small package sitting on my table. With great anticipation, I opened it and my generic Seroquel from Canada was inside. I don't have to go without Seroquel or pay for expensive US generic Seroquel. God is sooo good. I'm alternating between crying and jumping for joy! God is real and miracles still exist. God loves and helps me and I know God wants to do the same for you.