If you’re new to the Marriage Experiment series, please read
the last two blog entries before reading this conclusion. Basically, I came up
with an idea to better express our needs to our partner in a fun way and to
serve each other. All you need for the idea is your imagination and sticky
notes. Come up with seven requests, one for each day of the week, for your
spouse. Have your spouse do the same for you and off you go.
Let me tell you how the last four days of our marriage
experiment went. One day, I walked into the bathroom to see the sticky note my
husband left for me. I burst out laughing. My husband wanted to know what was
so funny. His note said “Surprise me.” I laughed because my note for him that
day was going to be “Surprise me.” We found some enjoyable ways to surprise one
another. On another day, my sticky note said “Spend time with me” and my
husband’s note said “Go on a walk or bike ride with me.” I chronicled in my
Halfway Point how our needs seemed to be similar. My husband’s last note said “Romance me” and my
note to him read “Makeout like when we dated.” It definitely ended on a high
note.
http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=1101776
I’ve shared some things I learned. I discovered that my husband
and I have basically the same needs to be loved and appreciated and that it
doesn’t take long to rekindle a spark and interest in each other. That week’s
worth of sticky notes may be worth more than any marital counseling or retreat.
But don’t take my word for it. Here is my husband’s account:
“This experiment
surprised me on several accounts. First, I wasn’t sure if it would be just more
work. But it turned out to be fun.
As the days went on, I was surprised out how much I enjoyed it. There was a new surprise waiting for me each day as both an “assignment” and an expectation. Casandra wasn’t exactly sure how I would full-fill her request and I hers. I was also surprised how some days our requests seemed to work well with each other. In fact at least once we had the same request on the same day. There were days when both of us really didn’t have the time to complete the assignment satisfactory. In those cases, we both agreed to extend the time to complete it an extra day or so. That way, it didn’t get forgotten or seem unimportant.
I think this was helpful in another way as well. Instead of trying to second-guess what the other was thinking or expecting, we both knew what the other was expecting. In that way our communication improved. I also learned a few things about our relationship. Such as it doesn’t always take much to make her feel loved.”
As the days went on, I was surprised out how much I enjoyed it. There was a new surprise waiting for me each day as both an “assignment” and an expectation. Casandra wasn’t exactly sure how I would full-fill her request and I hers. I was also surprised how some days our requests seemed to work well with each other. In fact at least once we had the same request on the same day. There were days when both of us really didn’t have the time to complete the assignment satisfactory. In those cases, we both agreed to extend the time to complete it an extra day or so. That way, it didn’t get forgotten or seem unimportant.
I think this was helpful in another way as well. Instead of trying to second-guess what the other was thinking or expecting, we both knew what the other was expecting. In that way our communication improved. I also learned a few things about our relationship. Such as it doesn’t always take much to make her feel loved.”
After 20 years of marriage, I guess there are still things
to learn about each other and what each other needs to feel appreciated and
loved. If my husband with three jobs can find a few minutes to fulfill this
experiment, I think anyone could.
I invite you to take the sticky note challenge and make
discoveries about your own relationship.
