Want Peace of Mind? Try the Serenity Prayer

The words in the Serenity Prayer may seem simple but I assure you they are powerful. Give them a try!

I want to share something with you that has helped me immensely and given me peace of mind.

The Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

Yes, I know we’ve all heard the Serenity Prayer. I’ve only just started applying it in the past 6 months with rave results. I’ve found this prayer to be the solution for many ills. I know this prayer is recited at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and other 12-step programs. I think this prayer could help any ailment by applying its principles. I have the Serenity Prayer on my mirror which reminds me to use it every day. The prayer is among the best known but its nuances were lost on me until just recently. I’ve since found a treasure trove of insight and enlightenment.

Let’s break it down: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.” As you wish, insert your own word (Infinite, Universe) instead of God. This prayer came along long before current writers on acceptance and “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle.

Per Wikipedia, acceptance is about a person’s agreeing with reality (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it or protest. The concept is close to acquiescence, derived from the Latin…(to find rest in).” The basic definition of acceptance means the act of taking or receiving something offered. Do we accept what life offers us, good or bad?

One of my favorite writers, Eckhart Tolle, wrote my favorite quote: “When you accept what is, every moment is the best moment. That is enlightenment.” This is my aim in life to take the good and bad equally without resisting.

Acceptance is contrasted with resistance, usually politically. But this can be applied to us as well. Do we accept or do we resist? If you’re not accepting something, especially when you cannot change it, it’s like banging your head against the wall. I’ve done this plenty of times and boy, does my head hurt. Not accepting only yields frustration and personal suffering. A Star Trek phrase of the enemy Borg taking over the universe is “Resistance is futile.” How true.

Now, every time I have a thought that yields emotional pain, I challenge the thought with the first part of the serenity prayer. If I’m worried about something, I ask myself “Can I change it?” If the answer is “no,” then I promptly let go of the thought. Any worries of the past can be promptly dismissed as they cannot be changed. Worries of the future usually can’t be changed and those thoughts can be dispensed with as well. This has greatly helped my worries. Each moment we choose freedom or frustration as we choose whether or not to believe lies of our mind.

Next, “courage to change the things I can.” This can be challenging to effect meaningful and lasting change in our lives. Some have espoused that this step should come first, action, before accepting what cannot be changed. Albert Einstein said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

Change is hard. People don’t usually change until they have to. "Nothing happens until the pain of remaining the same outweighs the pain of change." said Arthur Burt.

I live near a couple railroad tracks. One track is very active and the trains are moderate to quick-moving. The other railroad track is rarely used. But when a train does come, it will stop across the road for 20 minutes or more. Such was my lot a few days ago. I came across the train and it was stopped at a standstill. I happen to know a shortcut around the train track. It involves snaking through a neighborhood. Sometimes when I come out the other end, the train is gone and I wonder about my effort going around versus waiting. But this day, the train was still there and I was glad that I took the shortcut. As I considered it, I thought maybe it was good to go around the train either way than sit still. Taking action is always better than inaction.

The last part of the prayer is “wisdom to know the difference.” The philosopher W.W. Bartley combines Niebuhr's prayer with a Mother Goose rhyme and expresses a similar sentiment:

For every ailment under the sun

There is a remedy, or there is none;

If there be one, try to find it;

If there be none, never mind it.

 

It does require wisdom and discernment. I used to have negative thoughts inundate my mind over 90% of the time. I was miserable most of the time. Now I’m beginning to get control over my negative thoughts and starting to feel greater peace. If we always knew the difference between action vs. inaction and acceptance versus resistance, then we would feel true peace of mind or serenity, as the title suggests. Eckhart Tolle said, “There, strength, peace and serenity are available when one stops struggling to resist, or hang on tightly to what is so in any given moment.” Here’s to greater peace of mind!

My Elf-like Spiritual Journey

I received a letter from one of my readers today that she felt a little spiritually empty and that reading my blog had helped. I realized that I haven’t shared much with my blog readership of my own battle with spiritual emptiness which is why I haven’t written much the past two years.

Two years ago I was going through a period of mania with my bipolar disorder (see the other tab “Bipolar Info & Tests” for a description on mania). One day I was a spiritually believing in my life-long religion and the next day I woke up and I didn’t believe any of it. Nor did I have any faith in God left. It was as if the spiritual rug was yanked out from under my feet. It was abrupt and shocking. I’ve spent the last two years trying to figure things out.

What I next describe will sound a bit like Elf going through the swirly twirly gumdrops and Lincoln Tunnel to get to New York City. I felt a spiritual void and began searching for meaning. First, I went to a Buddhist Temple for a while where I learned about impermanence and meditation. They didn’t believe in petitionary prayers or in God.

 

Next I went to the Center for Spiritual Living, a Science of Mind philosophy. I learned about the laws of attraction of bringing about what we desire. I liked their affirming prayers and trusting in the Universe. They also didn’t believe in God per se.

Then, a co-worker invited me to attend a Christian church with her. I attended a few non-denominational churches finding a small one near my home that I liked. Even though they tried to be accepting of other people, I still wondered about their stance on accepting everyone

Then I heard of Meetup app, a place for many different group meetings. I found myself slipping. The narrow foothold I had on faith was rapidly diminishing. I could feel that I was on my way to becoming agnostic which frightened me. How low could my doubts and questioning go? Well, I became agnostic and even attended a meeting once for atheists and agnostics. I don’t think I could ever become an atheist. As an agnostic, I haven’t ruled out God; I just don’t know.

 

In some ways, I am the same person. I still pray all the time; I read and ponder scriptures daily. I just don't feel much of anything. My spiritual journey reminds me of Mother Teresa’s journey. No one would ever doubt her spirituality. For the last 30-40 years of her life, she was in dark depression and didn’t feel close to God. Sometimes I wonder if I should try to be like Mother Teresa and go about doing good even without feeling close to God. I still attend my former faith as I'm able with my family. I've felt some desire to be aligned with them.

Is your spiritual gas tank low or on empty? You’re not in bad company with Mother Teresa. Do you need more spiritual octane? These days I fill up my spiritual tank with gratitude, noticing small miracles in my everyday life, and enjoying the present because life is a gift.  If there is a God, I know He’ll be understanding that I don’t feel the way I used to so I’ve been searching for truth in other areas. I'm more believing in God than not of late. Thanks for coming on this journey with me. May the love and lights of the holiday season help fill up your spiritual tank!

If Your Kids Know You Love Them, Then You’re Doing Great!

When I was a new mother, I’d hear other older mothers comment on how much they loved being a mother. I didn’t feel their same fervor at first. But, I’ve found over the years that the more I sacrifice for my children and am challenged personally, the more I love being a mother. Years later, if someone asked me now to tell them something about myself, I’d probably say “I love Indian and ethnic foods” and right after that, “I love being a mother.” I’ve had a wonderful Mother’s Day. I wish all the mothers in my life a wonderful day where you can feel how loved you are and the tremendous impact you've had on others for good.

This week leading up to Mother’s Day 2015 has been a good one. My oldest son is 18 years old and is trying to graduate from high school. He only had one packet left: dreaded math. On Wednesday, we had a math marathon where we did high school math for six hours. We met our goal and he has graduated from high school. I told him if he wanted to pay me back for all the hours I’ve helped him this past year, he could help me clean.

Well, on Saturday morning, I rallied the troops to help clean. My son had an errand to run but as soon as he got back, he came up to me and asked “What can I do to help?” He was very helpful. I said to him, “You’re a good son” He commented right back, “You’re a good mother.” He only says what he means, so this meant a lot to me. He even insisted that I have breakfast in bed on Mother's Day complete with chocolate muffins with fresh raspberries, smoothie and flowers (see below.)

 

My next child is a 15 year old daughter with special needs and a host of problems. I accompanied her to a four hour work training at Lagoon this week where she hopes to work if she can get a handle on her problems. I try to never lose hope on my children. Her special education teacher often reminds Carinna how she is lucky to have a Mom who cares about her so much to spend all this time with her.

Yesterday was a cold, rainy, miserable day. My 15 year old and 7 year old daughters wanted to go someplace indoors for some fun but had a hard time coming to agreement on where to go. I eventually decided not to go where my 15 year old daughter wanted to go, and, boy, was she mad and disappointed. I was hoping this could turn into a teaching moment. When we were alone, I shared a time with her when I was 14 years old and had a period in my life that was very disappointing and I felt very angry about it. She listened intently and afterward said “You always know how to make me feel better. I have so much to be thankful for. You’re the best Mom I could ever have.”

My little seven year old daughter reminds me of the simple pleasures and happiness of being a child. She loves the rain because of playing with the snails and potato bugs. She wondered if the next time we went to “Build a Bear Workshop” if I would say something silly to the cashier there. She wanted me to tell them that we had an idea for a new business, Build a Snail Workshop with little hats to put on the snail. I told her about how spontaneous I was in high school along with detailed stories. I still have no problems making a fool out of myself.

As I tucked Janessa into bed, she asked “Do you want to tell me anything else?” I said, “Yes, I love you very much.” She said “You tell me that every day. I know you love me.” That was good news!

Years earlier, we got new furniture for our family room and I told them not to eat or drink on the new couches. Sure enough, I came in one day to find them eating taffy with sticky hands and fingers on the couch. They were so sticky that they had taffy juice running down their chins. It didn’t occur to me to get angry.  I decided to break into song instead. I sang about how they shouldn’t eat or drink on the new furniture. When I was done singing, they said “Sing it again. Sing it again.” I’m not sure if they got the message of no food on the furniture, but I’m pretty sure they got the message that I loved them, the most important message, in my opinion.

If your kids know you love them, then you’re doing great! (We can always wipe down the couch later.)

Bring Out the Big Guns to Find What is Lost

“Mom!” I heard my seven year old daughter Janessa call from upstairs. She had dropped her tiny rubber shark toy and thought it bounced under my bed. She had looked for it with a flashlight to no avail. Time to bring out the big guns…Mom and her prayers. Janessa knew I always found what I lost and I was about to tell her my top secret. “I always pray and then I find what I’m looking for,” I said. “Can’t we do it some other way?” Janessa asked. “Can’t we just lift up the bed and look for it?” Janessa questioned. I told her that if she wanted my help, we needed to pray.

I accompanied Janessa upstairs wondering how I’d find such a tiny toy under my bed. I said a vocal prayer and included the line that Janessa would learn a lesson on prayer. After my prayer, Janessa asked what lesson she would learn. I told her she’d soon find out. I said my own internal prayer to be guided to find the toy. With flashlight in hand, I prepared to start looking under the bed. Before doing so, I noticed something small in the carpet outside the bed. I asked Janessa if the object was hers. She said, “That’s it!”

Janessa and I said a prayer of thanks and then she asked what lesson she was supposed to learn. I said one lesson was that whatever was important to us, no matter how small (as in tiny sharks), was important to God.

 

Janessa and I also discussed looking in the place we thought instead of where God wanted us to look. I take that as following God’s direction will help us find what our heart is truly seeking.