They Said I Couldn’t Do It

In 2005, I took a medication for bipolar disorder that caused extreme weight gain. I was no longer my size 6 and 135 pounds. I battled this for years and ended up taking another medication in 2009 also known for its weight gain. By 2010, at my 40^th birthday, I was a size 18 and weighed 216 pounds. Most of my weight was in my stomach, making me look like I had a huge beer belly or like I was very pregnant. I was asked when my baby was due on a daily basis.

Since most of my weight was in my stomach, I put my hopes in having liposuction to rid myself of the weight. When I consulted with two surgeons, they both said I wasn’t a good candidate for liposuction as my weight wasn’t on top of my muscle but behind it. I was devastated. One of the doctors said I would have to do it the old fashioned way, through diet and exercise. However, he said he doubted I could do it as I’m bipolar and it’s hard for people with bipolar to stick to anything. At first, I was offended by his words yet I wondered at their truth.

I have tried many diets over the years, hoping each one would hold a magical spell. Seven months ago I joined a different gym, Four Pillar Fitness in Bountiful, Utah. It’s a small gym with personal trainers. I began lifting weights twice a week and started seeing some results. Then in October 2012, the gym had a weight loss challenge where every individual won. I lost 10 pounds in addition to the 30 I had lost over the years. A month ago, I went to Max Muscle (nationwide chain) in Bountiful, Utah and began working with a nutrition coach. I lost another 10 pounds. Now, I’ve lost 50 pounds from my heaviest weight.

Not due to the diets I’ve been on, but I’ve chosen to not have a treat since before Thanksgiving. That is very atypical for me as I usually have a small piece of chocolate every night. Success is more important to me than food. In fact, I asked Santa to bring me no treats but a pair of running shoes instead. I plan to lose another 15-30 pounds and take up running or maybe even a triathlon.

I hate to admit that at my core, I’ve felt like a loser most of my life with many of my health problems holding me back from succeeding at my goals. I do see some truth in that doctor’s advice that a person with bipolar has a hard time sticking to anything. I know that I go from idea to idea. However, now that I’ve tasted a small piece of success, I can’t get enough. I read on one of those inspirational posters, “Nothing begets success like success.” I always wondered at its truth. I’ve found success to be desirable and motivational to further success.

I feel like a different person inside, happier and competent, able to face life with confidence. When I feel like caving on my diet in the evenings, I look at a picture of myself at my heaviest, drink some Crystal Light to curb my sweet tooth, go to bed and have sweet dreams of weighing myself in the morning.

May you make your dreams become a reality in 2013. I know I will. Happy New Year!!

All I Want for Christmas is You

I’ve been working at a retail store for the Christmas season. It's a local retail store mainly in the Midwest, similar to K-mart. Anyway, they have a Christmas playlist that loops every few hours.  All of the employees would agree, they’re not the best Christmas songs.

There isn’t a “Holy Night” or a “Rudolph the Red nosed reindeer” or even a “White Christmas.” Many of the songs are obscure and some downright depressing. But I found one song I kinda liked: “All I Want for Christmas is You.” I looked forward to every time it played.

I spent my first holiday month there helping with the Angel Tree. This is a program run by Salvation Army where needy kids and seniors are hooked up with individuals and families to supply their needs.

One young couple wwhoithout kids came in and the wife was very sweet and generous. She started picking out a girl name and then thought she should pick out a boy name too. Then she noticed a senior name and thought she should pick out a male and female senior as well. The donors had so much fun shopping for their “angels.”

I picked out a name for my family to do. His name was Oscar and he was 7 years old. What made me pick him was his simple Christmas wish…to own a basketball. We bought him the best basketball we could find along with other needed clothing items.

I was really touched by the generosity of some donors. I was especially touched when a couple brought back a new Barbie bike with all the bells and whistles for their “angel.” It was hard to keep from crying seeing and feeling so much Christmas spirit. Sometimes, the donors and I would cry together.

At work, sometimes I needed a lift, and then sure enough, the next song was “All I want for Christmas is you.” I swayed from side to side and thought of  who I most wanted for Christmas…God. It became our theme song. Sometimes I imagined us singing the song together, like a duet, like Sonny and Cher (for those old enough to remember.)

I recall one time I was feeling a little down at work. I took my break and went upstairs to the break room. Oddly enough, the break room was empty. I sat in a chair, closed my eyes and began to pray. Immediately, “our song” began to play: “All I want for Christmas is You.” I knew the timing was no coincidence as I batted the tears from my eyes.

Last night, my husband and I went to see “The Hobbit” movie at a movie theater in Farmington, Utah. When we left the theater and walked outside into the snowy cold, I heard a familiar sound. I also saw a colorful fountain in the distance. I brought my husband to the fountain where we heard “All I Want for Christmas is You” accompanied by a choreographed light and fountain display. 

We were the only people there. I didn’t mind the cold but my husband noticed an outside warmer. We stood in warmth while it lightly snowed. At the end of my favorite song, we kissed. Next to the fountain was a small outdoor ice skating rink and even a mailbox for Santa. It was a magical night. At the end of the song, the  music stopped and the lights and fountain went away. I knew that song was just for me.

I felt God’s love as He sang to me “All I want for Christmas is You.” Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

Learning to Dance with God

I woke up Sunday morning, turned on some music, and began to get ready for church. (The music was Mehdi, Instrumental Heaven, Volume 7.) The music was soft instrumental with piano and a latin beat. I always look at my favorite picture of Jesus on my bathroom mirror while I get ready. I talk to Jesus and sometimes hear His voice in my mind talking back to me. But today was different. I listened to the music, looked at the portrait of Jesus and began to dance.

It might have looked like shadow dancing to anyone else. But to me it was real. God and I cha-cha’d back and forth. God twirled me around and we began again. We spoke intimately of life’s meaning, my concerns and of God’s love for me. We danced, song after song. I cried, song after song, wondering if I’d ever get my makeup on.

Then, some beautiful piano music played and I realized it was God tinkling the ivories, just for me. I cried all the more. I was thankful no male voice was on this CD. I couldn’t bear the beauty of hearing God’s voice. Just thinking of it makes me tremble.

God sensed all my thoughts. I told him of my problems with bipolar disorder, wondering if I’d make it back to Him. Then God’s gentle voice came very clear, “It’s only for this life” along with some sage advice, “Just take it one day at a time” and “I will help you.” Somehow hearing it from God made the truth resonate in my soul. I believed Him, really believed Him.

 

I heard a Christian song later that day that said I (God) “may let you bend but I won’t let you break.” I immediately thought of doing the “dip” dance move with God and of trials. He bends us back to the point of being unsure we can take it any longer. But God doesn’t let us fall. He lifts us up and creates a beautiful dance move.

I believe we all can learn to dance with God in our lives. Do we allow God to take the lead in our lives or do we struggle to take the lead, not seeking God’s will? Are we in sync with God, in fluid movement or all we all “left feet”?

God is very real to me. So is His love. Open yourself to feel the love of God today. Take some time alone, ponder and talk to God. You might be surprised. God loves you deeply and wants you to know how much He loves you.

P.S. What’s really cool is that I had this experience on 11/11/12. 11 is my favorite number, 11:11 is my favorite time and 11/11 is my favorite day. When I see any of these, I think of God and of how much I love Him. I believe I had this experience on 11/11 because God wants to show His love for me. There go the tears again. This glimpse of God’s love has empowered me to face life with greater strength. I look forward to a real embrace and dancing the cha-cha when I see God at last.

God Rocks: One Day’s Proof!

No, I didn’t fall off the face of the earth…but I did end up taking a break during the summer and beginning of school for my high school, junior high and kindergarten students.

I’m always telling people how many small miracles I have in my life, evidences of God’s help and love. Just last Sunday, I needed a certain shirt for one of my children to get ready for church. I suspected it was in a pile of clothes on the floor. The first article I put my hands on and pulled out was the needed one. God rocks!

Well, I decided to write down these small miracles over a day’s time period, from yesterday afternoon to this morning. Yesterday afternoon, I went to the grocery store. I parked far from the cart return. I was about to turn and find out how far I needed to go. Then I saw a young store employee headed my way from quite a distance across the parking lot. Yes, indeed, he picked up my grocery cart and made my day a little easier. God rocks!

Last night, my youngest child couldn’t find her blanket which she uses at bedtime. My husband began the search for her blanket. He’s the best finder and I have complete confidence in his finding skills. However, this time he was unsuccessful. This was not good as my daughter needs her blanket to go to sleep. You know what I mean.

I thought I’d give it a whirl and search by prayer and inspiration. I said a prayer and headed downstairs. I looked in a couple areas. Then I was really thirsty. I walked into a darkened kitchen. I drank the last sip out of my cup. I picked up my cup to look at it and noticed something in the dark on the counter beside it…my daughter’s blanket. God rocks!

This morning, I needed to find a specific recipe in a very messy cookbook. I opened the cookbook, preparing for a search. But I opened the cookbook right to the very recipe I needed. God rocks!

Also today, I realized that I forgot to buy some small candies for a spiritual bingo for a family activity later this morning. I was looking for a crockpot lid and opened a bag which contained mini-m&ms and other candies. God rocks!

I can see the many ways God seeks to help me. Is God aware of me? Does God love me? Does God want to help me? I answer that with a resounding “Yes!” Does God love all His children? Of course. Does God love you? You betcha! Does God want to help you? Sure thing! Does God delight when we notice Him in our lives? Yep!

I encourage each of you to jot down all the amazing things that happen to you for a few days. You may notice and feel God’s love in a whole new way.

Marriage Experiment: Home Run

If you’re new to the Marriage Experiment series, please read the last two blog entries before reading this conclusion. Basically, I came up with an idea to better express our needs to our partner in a fun way and to serve each other. All you need for the idea is your imagination and sticky notes. Come up with seven requests, one for each day of the week, for your spouse. Have your spouse do the same for you and off you go.

Let me tell you how the last four days of our marriage experiment went. One day, I walked into the bathroom to see the sticky note my husband left for me. I burst out laughing. My husband wanted to know what was so funny. His note said “Surprise me.” I laughed because my note for him that day was going to be “Surprise me.” We found some enjoyable ways to surprise one another. On another day, my sticky note said “Spend time with me” and my husband’s note said “Go on a walk or bike ride with me.” I chronicled in my Halfway Point how our needs seemed to be similar. My husband’s last note said “Romance me” and my note to him read “Makeout like when we dated.” It definitely ended on a high note.

http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=1101776

I’ve shared some things I learned. I discovered that my husband and I have basically the same needs to be loved and appreciated and that it doesn’t take long to rekindle a spark and interest in each other. That week’s worth of sticky notes may be worth more than any marital counseling or retreat. But don’t take my word for it. Here is my husband’s account:

 “This experiment surprised me on several accounts. First, I wasn’t sure if it would be just more work. But it turned out to be fun.
 
As the days went on, I was surprised out how much I enjoyed it. There was a new surprise waiting for me each day as both an “assignment” and an expectation. Casandra wasn’t exactly sure how I would full-fill her request and I hers. I was also surprised how some days our requests seemed to work well with each other. In fact at least once we had the same request on the same day. There were days when both of us really didn’t have the time to complete the assignment satisfactory. In those cases, we both agreed to extend the time to complete it an extra day or so. That way, it didn’t get forgotten or seem unimportant.
 
 I think this was helpful in another way as well. Instead of trying to second-guess what the other was thinking or expecting, we both knew what the other was expecting. In that way our communication improved. I also learned a few things about our relationship. Such as it doesn’t always take much to make her feel loved.”

After 20 years of marriage, I guess there are still things to learn about each other and what each other needs to feel appreciated and loved. If my husband with three jobs can find a few minutes to fulfill this experiment, I think anyone could.

I invite you to take the sticky note challenge and make discoveries about your own relationship.

Marriage Experiment: Halfway Point

It’s Day 3 and near halfway through the marriage experiment of “Ask and Ye shall Receive.” I’ve discovered a number of realizations so far:

·        My husband was more game for this experiment than I thought he’d be.

·        I think men and women don’t do a very job at expressing their needs and wants.

·        I think men and women have more common needs than one might think

Since this experiment came across as a game or science experiment, my husband was more likely to write his needs on a sticky note than to talk about them in a counseling appointment.

Today my four year old daughter said “I want a yogurt and I want a puppy.” She expressed her needs and wants very clearly. Few people I know go around and say “I want attention and I need to feel appreciated.”

http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=1376241

Let me tell you about the first three days of the marriage experiment.  The first day, my sticky note said “Kiss me Recklessly.” My husband’s said “Greet me warmly when I get home.” I realized that I was often distracted and didn’t know of my husband’s need to be appreciated when he got home. My husband responded warmly to my own warmth and it lingered the rest of the night.

The second day, my sticky note said “Flattery will get you everywhere” and my husband’s said “Compliment me.” I asked my spouse if he copied mine and he said, “No.” I knew I had a need to be complimented but didn’t think it was important to my husband. And, yes, we’ve been married for twenty years.

The third day, my husband’s note said, “Give me a full body massage” and I had already planned to put up “Warm me with your hands,” I was beginning to feel spooked and a little foolish that we both had similar needs. I found we have a common need to be appreciated, expressed in words, actions, and touch. 

The marriage experiment made us both open to each other’s attempts at filling each other’s needs. I feel a little foolish as we seem like plants that both need sunlight and water applied to us but we never speak that we have the same needs.I look forward to reporting on the rest of our week and seeing if it's possible to jumpstart a 20 year marriage in only seven days. God created the world in just seven days, so we'll see...

Marriage Experiment: The Beginning

 I have been married for 20 years this July. But I don’t feel particularly romantic or like a newlywed anymore. So, I had this idea to revitalize the romance in my marriage. Feel free to play along. It goes along with Matthew 7:7 “Ask, and it shall be given you…” It’s a fun game to ask for what you want and to serve your partner with what they want. Come up with a minimum of seven clever phrases (one for each day of the week), such as “Kiss me recklessly,” “Surprise me,” “Makeout like a teenager,” and “Flattery will get you everywhere.” Make it as direct or as wishful as you like. Make this your new playlist. Put each idea onto a separate sticky note. Each day, put a new sticky note onto your partner’s bathroom mirror or another clever location. Your partner will put a sticky note of his own for you to see. Then it’s time to serve and have fun, fun, fun.

Reality: I came up with my phrases and shared them with my husband. He has three jobs so he’s pretty busy. At first, he balked at having time for all this. I said “This will take less than five minutes a day.” Then I added, “You could even start with one minute.” My husband agreed that he could spare one minute a day. He also agreed to write down seven statements of his own for me to fulfill. I wanted to be surprised so I’ll clue you in on his statements next week

Later that evening, my husband told me he really liked my clever statements and he spent a lot more time with me than five minutes. We felt like newlyweds even before the experiment began.

http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=1068350

Part of the premise for this experiment is my belief that God can restore all things. If your marriage was good at one point, it can be made good again. I know that marriages don’t always work out, but it’s good to try. I found some intriguing Old Testament scriptures, such as “Now therefore restore the man his wife” (Genesis 20:7) and “Restore all that was hers, and all the fruits of the field since the day that she left the land, even until now.” (2 Kings 7:6). Plus, we know the story of Job who lost his wife, his children, his health, his assets…but eventually had everything restored.

This is similar to the poem “The Master’s Touch.” At an auction, a violin was presented as dusty, beat up, and out of tune. No one saw the worth of the violin. When placed in the Master’s Hands and dusted off and tuned, the violin played a sweet song. The violin was auctioned for a great price. I think of our marriages like the violin, of inherent worth even when a little dusty and out of tune. The Master’s Touch (or God) can restore our marriages to their former splendor. 

Maybe it can just take a week to jumpstart the romance of our marriages. Share your experiences with me. I'll fill you in after this week. Get out those sticky notes…

Repenting for Shoes

I felt guilty from the start. I had a bad feeling. Yet I wanted them. I really wanted them.

I had seen them before. Pleasing to the eye. A bit worldly. Aah, what was I fooling myself? They were glitzy. Or, maybe I was fooling myself.

I went to my local Payless shoe store to buy needed shoes for my youngest child. But a pair of purple glittery sandals caught my eye. I didn’t need them but they wouldn’t leave my mind. Times were tight and I should be watching my spending. They were very tempting. I thought I might go back and try them on. I felt bad about this. Really bad, like I was making a wrong choice.

My desire overruled the warning feeling I felt. Later that day, I drove back to the shoe store although I still felt bad. I couldn’t resist those glitzy purple sandals. I made my choice and drove home with the purple sandals and another pair of shoes since it was BOGO (buy one get one half off).

http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=1147312

I tried on the sandals at home. They looked beautiful on my feet but they seemed tighter than in the store. I began to think the purple sandals were too tight even for fashion’s sake. Alas, I decided to return them to the store. My bad feeling was right. I felt guilty for my tempted choice. These shoes weren’t right for me and had cost money and time. The shoe bag with the two boxes seemed heavy as I carried it into the store. I waited for the clerk to process my refund and take my pride and vanity off my hands. I walked out of the store lighter without the shoe boxes and richer with the refund money and the lessons learned.

I wondered if repentance was a little like that. We see something, lust after it, feel tempted by it. We feel we shouldn’t act on it, yet succumb and feel guilty. To cleanse our conscience, we rid ourselves of what makes us guilty and weighs us down. We exchange our heavy burden of sin to the Savior and in exchange we feel cleansed and lighter which is worth more than the money received for a refund.

I was thankful to learn a lesson that day with shoes rather than something more serious. God is merciful. I had bought a beautiful pair of turquoise sandals a few days ago, anyway.

The Fun of Journals

Today began with a game of tag. My youngest daughter has beautiful long blonde wavy hair like Rapunzel and I pretended to want it. “Don’t touch my hair,” my daughter sang in a sing-song voice. We played this game of tag off and on throughout the day. Isn’t it fun to have fun?

Then I was productive, going through the clothes in her room. Finally, we needed to pick up the books off the floor and put them in her bookshelf. I got a timer and off she went stacking books, so proud of herself. (I wish I gave myself more credit for the things I do.)

Then we went into my room and she suggested we have a fashion show. I waited while she changed in my closet.  Out she came with a brown faux fur vest and enormous fur-lined black boots. My daughter announced the fashion show was beginning. Then she began to sing how she was a brown bear who liked to eat berries and honey and roar. Her roar was very convincing. Then she changed into a gray fox and sang another song, complete with the cutest howl “Aa-Ooh.” I clapped for a long time.

Then my daughter announced that it was my turn to model in the fashion show. I changed into a different brown faux fur vest. She made sure I announced the fashion show properly…and that I sing. Like a kid, I was spontaneous and made up a song. First I was a bear. My daughter said my roar scared her. Next instead of a fox, I decided to be a gray wolf. She asked me to change again.

I thought I’d change into a glam girl, complete with glitter and sequins. My daughter joined me in the changing room and picked out a Mickey Mouse shirt with glitter, a turquoise glitter scarf and a hat with silver sequins. I suggested I turn on some dance music and she agreed. Then we danced for several songs. My daughter looked like a break dancer.

After lunch, we went to play at a park. I watched her make instant friends with all the kids there. They came up with a game where one person was the storekeeper inside the rock climbing wall and gave dirt through the holes to the kids outside. The kids outside then deposited the dirt on a dirt pyramid structure. Dirt was everywhere yet the kids made it a prized commodity.. (I don’t know if I could have come up with such a unique game.)

http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=616678 

                                                                                                           

When we got home from the park, I prompted my daughter to wash her hands and face. She asked me to help her. While I was washing her face, I put my fingers under her top lip and made funny faces. We laughed and laughed. Then she wanted to do the same for me. I must have more flexible lips because I looked like “Mr. Ed” braying. We laughed for the longest time. (I highly recommend this activity.)

Then it was time for my daughter to practice writing her name. She kept asking to write more and more. Mistakes didn’t phase her. She just kept trying. (I wish I was more like that.)

The evening weather was pleasant outside so my two daughters went in our front yard. My oldest daughter wanted to play croquet/putt-putt. My youngest daughter wanted to play softball so they combined the two. Recently my youngest daughter did well at a bean bag toss for Easter. Well, tonight she did well hitting the ball. (Does anyone remember the excitement of finding out a talent?)

I’m so glad I wrote down these small events. When I went back to my journal, I was surprised at what I had forgotten even a couple days later. I’ve been keeping a regular journal since 1986 but it’s never too late to begin. Even writing down one trip or even one memorable day can make a difference. My kids love to hear me read about themselves in my journals. Not only did I remember that fun day, I gained what adults can learn from children. Of the day above, I wrote “It was a great day! I’m very happy to be a Mom.”

Temptation Spray

I was doing my morning ritual. Brushing my teeth and then using my special        12 hour mouthwash, that’s 12 hours against bad breath. I spray on my perfume. For some reason, I imagined a spray to ward off temptation, also lasting 12 hours. Prayer is the activator, needed morning and night. “Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matt. 26:41.)

It’s funny how when I am exposed to temptation, I find it, er…tempting. Sometimes, it seems I’m surrounded by a storm and I can’t see straight to find my way out. Everything seems confusing and I have a hard time making up my mind.

The way I view temptation is this: I'm safe and warm in my house with my family. The devil through temptation wants to tempt or lure us away from our safety. The devil will try to get us to start by looking out the window and be curious about evil. If the devil can get us to open the door a crack, he has got us.

As you may have guessed, I was exposed to temptation recently. It took me by surprise. I didn’t know what to do and I thought I could solve it myself (stupid thought). Avoidance of evil is always best. But I’ve heard this promise before which always gives me hope: “There hath no temptation taketh you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it” (1 Cor. 10:13.)

http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=3787

Usually when I am faced with temptation, I listen to the song, “Slow Fade” by Casting Crowns. It sounds a lot like “See no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil” and I imagine monkeys acting it out. The song goes like this: “Be careful little eyes what you see - It’s the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings…It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away – It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray – Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be made – When you give yourself away – People never crumble in a day  - It’s a slow fade…Be careful if you think you stand – You just might be sinking.” Listening to this song usually snaps me out of it. But I was beyond that this time.

The first night of my temptation, I opened in my scriptures and I read verses about the devil wanting my soul. Very comforting-not really. The second night, I opened in my scriptures about God always delivering His people. I felt very comforted and that things would work out. I just wasn’t sure how. I also didn’t know how I could endure this temptation much longer.

The third night of my temptation, I was talking with a trusted girlfriend about this issue. She offered sage advice:  “You know what to do, you just have to do it.” While talking, I was building up strength to face and defeat temptation. Immediately after I got off the phone, I found out my temptation had been taken away from me. God knew it was too great for me. God knew I wanted to do what was right. So He took it away from me. Sometimes we’re strengthened and sometimes our obstacle is removed. I felt such peace in comparison to my imprisonment. I praised God that day for delivering me, just like I had read in the scriptures. The Lord's Prayer says "Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil." Temptation could lurk around any corner. To be safe, always pray and put on your temptation spray before going out.

I was in a Pickle

I was in a pickle, a serious pickle. My husband lost his job, along with his insurance benefits, over six months ago. Just before he lost his job, I got mail order for my medications which lasted three months. Two of my mood stabilizers for bipolar disorder are costly without insurance. Abilify is $800/month and Seroquel is $1000/month. I’ve been trying to figure out how not to pay the full price as I am unable. I checked out the assistance programs offered by the pharmaceutical companies themselves. I found out I didn’t qualify. I asked my two doctors for samples to get by. They had some samples of Abilify but none of Seroquel. I later discovered that Seroquel was supposed to come out in generic form sometime this year so the samples had stopped.

In going through my meds, I found some expired Seroquel XR (the extended version) samples. I thought I’d try them to extend out my supply. Bad idea. After trying the expired Seroquel XR for a couple days, I became very suicidal. I kept praying for a miracle. Then my husband came across a Canadian pharmacy that had the generic version of Seroquel for a great price. The downside was they didn’t know how long it would take for the shipment to go through customs. It could be two weeks to one month or more. And I only had two weeks of Seroquel left. And that was after decreasing my Seroquel by 1/3 to extend my supply. This could be a crazy idea as I could quickly shift into mania, my worst nightmare.

http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=2998

Well, I seem to be holding steady but wondering what to do when my supply is gone. I have felt like I am in captivity waiting to be delivered. I had a dream of receiving my Seroquel shipment in the mail but I didn’t recall when that would be. I told God that if He provided a miracle, I would give Him credit and write it in my blog. Last night, I looked at my email briefly on my phone. I noticed an email from the founder of my bipolar support group but it had no subject. I almost didn’t open it. But I'm glad I did. 

These were the contents:

“Good news. For those who are on Seroquel. Regular Seroquel , NOT the XR,  is now available at WalMart Pharmacies in generic form. BIG SAVINGS.

 Just thought you might want to know.”

I screamed, jumped up and down and began to cry. In the nick of time, I had been delivered. Of all the weeks for Seroquel to be released in generic form, it was released when I needed it most. Sometimes, I wonder why God does that. He waits until the last possible moment and then helps us. I think He likes a little drama, a drumroll, to test our faith before He provides a miracle, and to make the story of our life interesting.

As I waited to be delivered from my captivity, I thought about the Savior of the world also coming to deliver us from captivity, from sin and death. As Easter Sunday approaches, this promise is for you: “Then they cried unto the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them out of their distresses” (Psalms 107:6.) Happy Easter!

P.S. Later today...You won't believe it. I ran an errand today and came back home to see a small package sitting on my table. With great anticipation, I opened it and my generic Seroquel from Canada was inside. I don't have to go without Seroquel or pay for expensive US generic Seroquel. God is sooo good. I'm alternating between crying and jumping for joy! God is real and miracles still exist. God loves and helps me and I know God wants to do the same for you.

Do you notice Miracles?

When small, amazing things happen to you, do you dismiss them as coincidence or do you wonder if there is something more to them? If I only had sporadic amazing things happen to me, I might overlook them for what they really are—miracles.  However, I have amazing things happen to me every day, all throughout the day. I cannot dismiss them. I am here to tell you that God is alive and at work in my life. And if he’s at work in my life, then why not yours? God loves all of His children, including you.

I have some theories about how heavenly things work. I believe we are here on this earth to be tested and prove ourselves. I believe our trials can make us stronger. Thus, God doesn’t usually take them away. Similar to encouraging a baby to learn to walk. It’s hard for the baby but it’s a good thing to learn to walk. But God can help us with small things because He just can’t help Himself. He loves us so much. 

Here are a couple examples of miracles in my life. If I’m in a hurry and I need to find socks for a family member, I can reach my hand into a basket full of clean socks and pull out two socks. They always match and are for the right person in my household of five. Isn’t that cool? This only happens when I’m in a hurry.

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One time I went to my gym which provided towels. When I got to the front desk, I was told they were out of towels. I was bummed as I had come to use the steam room and I would need towels. I muttered under my breath as I randomly chose an available locker. I opened this locker and I couldn’t believe my eyes. The locker was full of clean towels. I was amazed. Out of curiosity, I opened many nearby lockers and no other locker had clean towels in them. I had picked the only one. Do you think God is aware of me and plans for my every need? Oh, yes! I have miracles like this happen to me every day. Perhaps God delights to bless me because He knows I notice. Plus, I give him praise. I hope I would be like the one leper who came back to praise God for being cured of leprosy out of the ten cleansed lepers.

In honor of the greatest miracle, the Resurrection of Jesus Christ, I will be focusing my next few entries on miracles and how God works in my life. If you don’t think God is at work in your life, if you don’t think God delights to bless and help you at every opportunity, think again and start noticing miracles in your life. You just might be amazed.

Good Samaritan for Today

(I’ve been working full-time that past three weeks due to family need. Working full-time is difficult for me with my health problems. I apologize for the gap.)

I’ve had amazing opportunities to share Bible stories with a friend who is hearing them for the first time. One of these is “The Good Samaritan,” a parable by Jesus when asked “who is my neighbor?” (Luke 10:29) As a refresher, a man traveled and was robbed, wounded and left for dead. As he lay there bleeding by the side of the road, three individuals passed him, with varying reactions. The first man was a priest who moved to the other side of the road to pass him. The second, a pious Levite, did the same. The third man was a Samaritan, with a mutual hate relationship with the Jews. But, “when he saw him, he had compassion on him. (Luke 10:33)” He took care of the man’s wounds, took him to an inn, and left money to pay for him until he could come back. Then Jesus asked which among the three was the robbed man’s neighbor. “And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. They said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise (Luke 10:37).”

As I’ve considered this parable, I’ve found some ways to apply it to today. There is the typical response of some “priests” and others to avoid the unpleasant and purposefully move away from the person and look away. We see this much with homeless people who most people won’t venture to look them in the eye, even in the face of obvious suffering. How about this next one?  I’ve seen people in honest, dire need whose families will ignore their suffering out of ignorance. One I’ve seen misused is  thinking that “tough love” is the answer to every question. They see their loved ones but they don’t really see them.  They certainly won’t help them. Perhaps the thieves in this person’s life are addiction, divorce and a host of other problems. I cry when I think of how one friend’s family goes out of their way not to help her.

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Here’s another one I encountered with some priests. I had been robbed by my mental illness. When I was in need and in a misunderstood and desperate situation, I had priests who came up to me.  I rejoiced that finally someone had come to help. These priests bent down and lowered their hands. Finally, someone was coming to extend a hand of compassion and help. But, I was wrong. They lowered their hands and began to point the fingers of shame and blame at me. They had not come to help although they thought they had. 

I continued to wait for help while wounded in the wilderness. I no longer waited for men. My hope was in one alone. He did not disappoint. The Savior of the world came to my aid when I felt judged by everyone. We became the best of friends. He is still restoring and healing my wounds. I try to follow in His work and help the helpless, the abandoned. I think suffering is not always apparent. I mentioned one person to my husband who was suffering. “But they have a big smile all the time,” he said.  I also hear from several that they are willing to help anyone but they just don’t notice other people’s needs. If someone would just point out other’s needs, then they would be glad to help them. Still sounds like a bit of a copout. Try to really see people, whether homeless, addicted or depressed. Whether smiling or not. You could be the Savior’s hands.

Dedicated to a Dear Friend.