Quotable Casandra, Part II

(From one day in my journal, November 15, 2011)

I was feeling particularly quotable today.

Today I dipped my cup in the pool of contentment. Tomorrow I’m jumping in.

Things must exist first in our minds before manifesting in our lives.

After my mother-in-law hemmed my work pants for my new job, I said, “I have pants...and I’m prepared to use them.”

I’ve been complaining about the same issues for years. They’ve been like an iceberg. Did the iceberg just move?

I said to my husband:  “I have something exciting to tell you. I bounced up the stairs today and sang the Smurf song “La la la-la la la” for three seconds.” My husband looked as if to ask “And?”  “That’s it!” I said.  My spouse still looked confused.  I explained, “I was worry-free for 3 seconds. Tomorrow I’m shooting for 4.”

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I’ve been looking for contentment all of my life.  Is it possible I‘ve found it?

My hair has gone through periods of trauma, just like me. I secretly wondered, when my hair was healthy again, I might be healthy too.  My hair looks sleek and shiny today. Watch out world!

I go to bed happy. Is it possible to wake up happy too? I keep waiting for it to stick, like in “The Groundhog Day” movie.

The dance of healing:  we take two steps forward and one step back.  I won’t expect perfection in the journey of healing.

Hungry at the Feast?

Happy Holidays! I must admit, I’m feeling a little stressed. My husband lost his job. As a result, I’ve gone back to work full-time which is more difficult due to my fibromyalgia. I’m dealing with a bully of my special needs daughter. I’m wondering if my husband will find a job in the next month before I need to buy more meds, a couple of which cost $2000 without insurance. I feel like I have a lot on my plate. Speaking of plates…

Tonight, I took one of my children to our local all-you-can-eat buffet, called Chuck-a-Rama. That name always makes me giggle. I think of it as              Upchuck-a-Rama. My youngest children call it Chuck-a-Grandma.  We arrived at rush hour for buffets. We had to wait outside in single digits cold. We were happy to get inside and wait even longer. As we stood in line, we watched the people who had already made it “in.” We were hungry in line but the people inside walked happy and satisfied around the buffet with plates full of delights, picking and choosing to their heart’s content.  Finally, it was our turn to get our own plates and select our favorite delights. I especially love the monkey bread with gooey cinnamon bread and white icing. I enjoy looking at the endless array of beverages and combining my own concoction. I’m not going to tell you how many desserts I sampled.  Whereas I was hungry, now I was completely and utterly full. My mind wandered back to my analogy of long ago called “Hungry at the Feast?” I’d like to share it with you now.

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Imagine this, you’ve traveled far and have been “figuratively” hungry for so long. You have trials, troubles, and afflictions which weigh you down and cause you to physically and spiritually hunger for something better.  You walk hungry your entire life but you hear of this amazing feast where you will never hunger again. "Blessed are they who do hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled" (Matt. 5:6.)  I believe this feast is with God and you can enter "without money and without price" (Isaiah 55:1.)  I've thought of the feast after this life but it could be sooner. At the beginning of the feast, you might complain about how long you’ve been hungry. But when you’re full with no expectation of hunger again, do you need to complain about all the time you were hungry or afflicted?  Just like me complaining about all the time to wait in line for a buffet when I’m in the buffet and I’m full.

Do some of us in this life not realize we're in a line to the greatest buffet of all time, the buffet of God? We complain without realizing our needs will be met in a most amazing way, soon. This analogy gives me hope of my own trials and troubles vanishing away and of all of my needs being met at a later date.  I mean, who can still be hungry at the feast? I’m still working on complaining less but I know God understands.  Seasons Greetings!  Or, should I say Seasons Eatings? May you be filled physically and spiritually with the light and love of this holiday season.

The Story of Your Life

Imagine this…your friend comes across the perfect story and suggests you should read it. Not only does the book have a perfect fairy tale ending but it is completely predictable. Whatever the hero or heroine wants, he or she gets. No pain, no disappointments, no twists and turns, no difficulties, and no frustration. Just smooth sailing and a life of ease. He or she doesn’t even have to count calories or exercise to have a perfect physique. Doesn’t that sound like the perfect life? If you could choose it, would you?

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I might say “no,” but in the back of my mind, I’m saying “Yes. That’s the life for me.” I mean, I complain enough about my challenges and trials. It would seem that I would choose a life of ease over a life of difficulty. But what truly makes for a good story? Is it perfection and predictability? Good stories have an engaging plot and character development.  Even the fairy tales have seemingly insurmountable trials and surprising twists and turns. Fairytales and most stories have a happy ending. The heroine rises above her trials, adapts to the twists and turns and ends up a stronger person. Is your life like a good story? I’m afraid mine is. On my blog, I say that my life has been far more interesting than I ever wanted.

Since you are the hero or heroine of your story, what are you up to in your story right now? Are you making your story more interesting? Is your character developing and are you overcoming your obstacles? Recently, I was praying about a trial with which I am struggling, and I asked God if the trial could be taken away from me.  God gently chided, “Am I done with you yet?” I had to say “No.” I suppose my life is meant to be even more interesting. God isn’t done with my story. Don’t despair if your story is full of difficulty. It may be a wild ride, but may our stories all end with “Happily Ever After.”

Directionally Challenged

In high school, one time I took a girlfriend to our nearby library via the interstate. Only I enjoyed our conversation so much that I missed our exit by just an hour. In college, I had no car, so I took the bus one time. I needed to go to an orthodontic appointment on Center St. where I attended college. When I got to the Center St. exit, I was so proud of myself for navigating the bus system. I got off the bus and recognized nothing.  There was no one around. So, I flagged down a bus and told the bus driver my plight. He said “You’re in the wrong city! You’re at Center St in Orem instead of Center St in Provo.” Oops! I missed my appointment and felt a wee bit foolish giving the reason why… “I was in the wrong city.”

This weekend, I needed to pick up a girlfriend in Central, Utah, two hours away. I looked up the directions to Mount Pleasant in MapQuest and printed them. I left feeling mostly confident.  All I needed to do was follow the directions. I blared my Christian Rock music and enjoyed the drive. My exit was 258. All of a sudden, I noticed that I was at a passing a lower exit number than 258. Did the numbers go up or down going Southbound? I passed another exit just to make sure and the numbers were indeed going down. I had missed my exit! So, I got off at the next exit and headed Northbound. I figured that a nearby Northbound exit would go the same direction. Exit 259 It wasn’t exactly the same, but it had the same Hwy 6 in it. So, I exited the freeway but then came to a startling realization. I had no idea which direction Mount Pleasant, Utah was. I didn’t know whether to go East or West. So, I hopped back going Southbound for quite a way and then turned around and went Northbound again.

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This time my goal was to overshoot the Southbound exit and get off at my original exit. I thought I had timed it just right but my first exit was 257 instead of 258. So I drove a long ways and turned around again. This time I would definitely go past my exit and turnaround and make it. Did I mention that this was a corridor of construction? The signs were small, the exits difficult to navigate. I pealed my eyes for exit 258 but it wasn’t there. I passed higher numbers but no 258. After all that, and exit 258 had been lost to construction!! I quickly looked at exit 257 A and B and it mentioned Highway 6. I made an executive decision and decided to take the exit. I took the branch toward Hwy 6.  Hwy 6 only seemed to go in one direction so I took it until I could get off and double-check my directions. I stopped at a Burger King and asked the cashier if I was on Hwy 6 toward Price and Ephraim (and Mount Pleasant). He confirmed. I also called my husband and he told me that Mount Pleasant was East.

My diversion put me 40 minutes off schedule. I felt a little silly again telling my friend why I was running late. “I was having too much fun doing loop de loops on the freeway.” For the rest of trip, I reset the odometer and paid strict attention to how many miles I should go before an exit. Maybe I’ll never get lost again. Maybe I’ll never get distracted and miss my exit again. That’s a good one! Sometimes, life is like that. We might have detours and distractions on our way to our destination…but it sure makes for a good story.

Not a Mascara Day

This past week my teenage son needed help on an assignment due the next day. I silently prayed to be blessed in helping him. Things went very smoothly. Afterward, I told my son about my prayer. He shrugged it off but I hoped it was sinking in on some level. Today, he asked me to watch a movie with him. Secret be told, I’d do almost anything to spend time with him or be near him.  Then he asked for some guidance with another school assignment due tomorrow. I provided great help and he forgot to thank me.

Later I had an “aha” moment as I caught my breath in my throat. I lay on my bed and tears flowed freely. I felt enveloped in the warmth of my bedroom light. “This” I thought “is how God feels.” Although God is always there, few have time for Him. Even fewer listen to His guidance. So, He delights in any time we’ll have Him around.  He loves us. He adores us. He takes pleasure in being around us. He’ll take any opportunity or invitation to be near us. When we ask for His help, usually at the last minute, He’s always there. Even when we forget to thank Him, He still loves us.

When I thought I’d cried myself out, I lay on my bed with a warm, contented smile on my face. Then the crying began again. It's a good thing I didn’t wear mascara today. (I do try to live by intuition.) It’s awesome to think that the God of the Universe wants to spend time with little ‘ol me. He’ll take any time He can get. He loves me! Imagine what our relationship with God could be like if we invited Him into our lives as in Revelation 3:20: "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me." We could hang out all the time. Oops, here come the tears...

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Gratitude is the Key

Gratitude is the key to unlock our happiness, to be thankful for everything in our lives, both the good and the bad.

Recently, I heard this quote on gratitude that got me thinking:

“What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you thanked God for today?” Would we have much left?

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I once heard a thoughtful poem that had a big impact on me to be thankful for the things we usually complain about. Here it is:

”Be Thankful For…

The mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.

The taxes I pay because it means that I’m employed.

The clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.

My shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.

A lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.

All the complaining I hear about our government because it means we have freedom of speech.

The space I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking.

My huge heating bill because it means I am warm.

The lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that I can hear.

The piles of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.

Weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been productive.

The alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I’m alive.

Getting too much email bogs me down but at least I know I have friends who are thinking of me.”

-Unknown

Try being thankful today for something you normally would complain about. 

“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”

-Eckhart Tolle

“And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.

- D&C 78:19

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! Gratitude is truly the key to happiness. The more grateful we are, the happier we will be. Be thankful for having a mess to clean up because it means you have good food and loved ones around.

If God Were a Chef

What if God were a chef and you were the main course? I’m not talking about cannibalism-that makes me laugh. Let’s say what you have to offer to the Universe, God put together as a spiritual meal.  Would you be a snack? Would you be fast food? Or, would you be a gourmet meal? If God could take a few fishes and loaves of bread and feed 5000 people, I’m pretty sure He can make more of us than we think we are. Sometimes I pray that God makes more of me than I think I am, a meager sardine and crostini. I think God as a chef can make anything out of our ingredients, even trout ice cream, like on "The Iron Chef."  Every meal reigns supreme and is a culinary masterpiece, as unique as each of us.

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I believe at sometime in our earlier existence, we put an “order” up for our lives, like an order in a restaurant. But we didn't order food.  This order consisted of the longings of our very soul, what we wanted to learn, and who we wanted to become. Now, we have the raw ingredients, but God has the tools to take our raw ingredients and turn them into a gourmet meal, fit for a king. Along the way, things might get uncomfortable, with the heat of the stove and all, and being diced into pieces. It’s hard to understand from the viewpoint of a meal in motion why we have to go through such hardship. And sometimes, the meal takes much longer to prepare than we ever imagined. We might begin to question our worth and even our destiny.

But I am here to tell you that God knows what He is doing. He knows His way around a spiritual kitchen. He knows the way around our souls. So, if the heat is on in your life and you feel like you’re being diced to pieces, don’t fret. A gourmet meal is in the works.  Order up!

Hope for Suicide

It was recently brought to my attention that someone I don’t know found solace in my blog after a loved one committed suicide. This issue has been on my mind recently. There have been times I know I’ve helped prevent a suicide. But there have also been times when everyone missed it (I still cry, even now). This statistic is on my blog “as many as one in five patients with bipolar disorder completes suicide" (National Institute of Mental Health). My local chapter of DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance) recently discussed suicidal thoughts. The following summary was made by the local chapter leader: “It is very easy when this disorder is raging for suicidal thoughts to enter. At the time it can seem very reasonable to come to the conclusion that our family, friends and others would be better off without us. When these thoughts are persistent it is a clear indication that we need to change our treatment strategy. A healthy mind does not think suicidal thoughts. The more managed the disorder is the less often these thoughts will occur.”

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I was blown away by an article in my newspaper yesterday about suicidal thoughts versus actions.  The headline read: “1 in 15 Utahns consider suicide.” From a recent study, Utah ranks first in the nation with 6.8% thinking about suicide. Georgia ranked last in the nation at 2.1% or 1 in 50 people considering suicide. The Midwest and West were slightly higher than the Northeast or South. No explanation was given for these differences but it was pointed out that no one is immune from this malady. The study showed 1.5 percent of Utahns planned to commit suicide while only .5 percent attempted it. The report shows that there are opportunities to intervene before someone dies by suicide. In another Utah report, men and women age 85 and older had the highest prevalence of suicidal thoughts, followed by men and women ages 18-24. In both age groups, women had the higher percentage of contemplating taking their lives.

Mental health professionals relate that people who talk about suicide should be taken seriously and should seek help. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255 in the US. I am not immune from these thoughts and I have been hospitalized over this issue. I have had medication changes and now have hope, like a sunrise. I pray if any of you are suffering over this issue, that you will find solace and help. I also pray we will be able to create an open dialogue and be able to prevent more suicides. Those suffering with suicidal thoughts deserve another sunrise.

Surfin' through Life

I grew up in Florida going to Florida beaches. What I loved most was to boogie board or body surf. The principles were the same. When a large wave starts to head toward shore, then turn toward shore and start paddling fast. Hopefully, the wave will pick you up on the way to the shore and you’ll get a fun ride.  You might call this, “Go with the flow” and not resisting. An opposite way would be to get upset that waves come at the beach and to turn toward the waves and scream and hit them. The waves would still come regardless of either method. Wouldn’t you agree?

I have discovered that much unhappiness in life comes from resisting the things that come our way. Just like waves, we can get upset about trials in our lives. We can throw a tantrum that trials come our way or we can realize trials come in life and choose our response. A positive way is to choose to accept. Eckhart Tolle said "Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Work with it, not against it.” I wrote on my bathroom mirror recently: “Accept. Don’t resist!” as a reminder to myself.

I admit that I’m a trekkie. Whenever I heard the enemy “Borg” say “Resistance is futile,” I twinged. But if the Borg were trials in my life, perhaps they were being kind to tell me that resistance doesn’t help. This is still one of my favorite quotes by Eckhart Tolle: “When you accept what is, every moment is the best moment. That is enlightenment.”

We can either surf our way through life on a wild ride or resist any trials, which only make us stronger anyway. (This is not meant to make light of people who suffer.) I read some surfer lingo on http://www.riptionary.com/ that said: “A spiritual place when everything seems to be in synch...the wave, the surfer and the board are one entity. When a surfer achieves this he's said to have the...glide.” This sounds like enlightenment to me. Let’s pull out our surf boards and glide our way through life.

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Sleep is Overrated

When I had fibromyalgia, I had no energy and slept longer than usual. I never felt refreshed when I woke up no matter how long I slept.  In the spring of 2003, I woke up one day with more energy than normal. This higher energy level continued and I began to need little if any sleep. I praised God and thought I had been cured of fibromyalgia.  Little did I know that I was experiencing a symptom of bipolar mania. (Mania and hypomania are on the high end of bipolar disorder and depression and anxiety are on the low end.) One of the first symptoms of bipolar mania is you don’t need sleep. I am not joking. I could go, go, go and never miss not sleeping, for months on end. Other symptoms followed, like rapid speech, racing thoughts, delusions of grandeur, increased libido, reckless driving and increased spending.

Since being diagnosed, I can notice the first step down the trail of mania is I can’t sleep.  This lack of sleep is like a high, a constant adrenaline rush. One psychiatrist told me: “Sleep is the guardian of sanity.”  Amen to that. Without sleep, I quickly go insane. Many scientific studies attest that anyone who goes without sleep long enough begins to go insane.  Before I was diagnosed, I thought it was cool that I didn’t need sleep. I thought, “Who needs sleep?” and “Sleep is so overrated.” I thought, “I can get so much more done in a day without sleep.” 

 One of my favorite 80’s movies, “Real Genius,” came out in 1985 with Val Kilmer. Whenever I was manic, I would think of this film. I even watched it once while I was manic. One of the characters was a girl who didn’t need sleep, ever. She accomplished all sorts of fantastic feats while everyone else slept.  Before diagnosis with bipolar mania, I thought this character was amazing and that I was just like this character. She spoke really fast too, and had a short dark bob haircut just like me.

I think my favorite movie character who didn’t need sleep and spoke fast could have bipolar disorder. If you ever come across someone who doesn’t sleep and doesn’t miss it, believe me, they could be either mentally ill or on their way there. Now, I take medication to help me sleep. I have an emergency plan in place if I begin to have difficulties sleeping. I take my medication at the same time each night and I go to bed at the same time.  You could say I take sleep very seriously. I think now, “Sleep is not overrated.”

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Human Pinball

One day in the spring of 2002, I had a very tedious day at work. I was shot, really worn out. I worked up Big Cottonwood Canyon in Salt Lake City and had to drive 40 minutes home. One section (on      I-80 West headed to North I-15) I needed to drive a narrow one lane road which curved and was surrounded by concrete barriers. I must have been a little distracted as I started to veer off the left side of the road and hit some gravel. I thought I could quickly regain control of my Ford Taurus but I was wrong.

My car and I soon became a human pinball. My car hit the left side of the concrete barriers, then hit the right side of the concrete barriers, then hit all four corners of my vehicle as I rotated and turned. When my car came to a stop, I soon realized that I was facing the wrong direction. Upcoming cars would not be able to see me until it was too late. I said a prayer and discovered that the only way out was a         three-point turn. I anxiously and quickly maneuvered and pulled over to a small space on the right-hand side.  As soon as I did this, several cars whizzed past me. If they had come a moment earlier, I wouldn’t be writing this blog now.

I thought about what I could learn from being a human pinball. You might be surprised. I already knew the obvious, that I’m supposed to be alive and that I have a purpose in this life. I was going through serious trials, as usual. But this was the lesson I learned. My trials are like dings in a car. Like my car, I may get dings in this life but I’m still alive and okay. It's just a ding. It can be fixed. I don’t need to sweat the small stuff. I may barely miss being taken out of this life but I’m going to make it. Perhaps my trials are really as small as pinballs in the grand scheme of things.

Strong Enough

Recently, I was corresponding with a dear friend who has more trials than anyone I know. I texted her:  “You must be very strong to face all you face. You may have not beaten a lion yet but you’re in there fighting him. In time, you will beat him. Then others will see how strong you are.” I like the image of fighting an unseen lion, very real to the person fighting it while oblivious to others. What are your unseen lions?  I started to write down some of my unseen lions and I found it to be quite depressing. So, I’d rather focus on triumphing over our unseen lions or foes.

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I came across a song called “Strong Enough” by Matthew West. He wrote an album based on people’s experiences. He related that a young lady had many trials. He told her that God doesn’t give us more than we’re strong enough to bear. Then, this young lady replied, “Then God must think I’m very strong.” I loved her attitude! The first line in the song, “Strong Enough” is “You must think I’m strong to give me what I’m going through.” Whatever you believe about God or the Universe, I believe that we are meant to succeed.  Sometimes it takes many years or decades to beat unseen lions but I know you can. Don’t give up hope.  You may not be super strong but you are “strong enough.”

Lessons with Toddlers and Soda

I took my toddler to a fast food restaurant recently. Every time we go there, she asks for a drink. And every time, I turn her down due to the price and since she never drinks much of the drink. Well, that day I said “yes.” I thought this would be relatively simple. I told her the choices of pink lemonade, fruit punch, sprite or root beer. She asked for pink lemonade. I filled her cup part-way. She tried it and said it was “too sour.” I poured it out. I asked her what she wanted. She said, ”lemonade.” I told her she had just tried it and said it was sour.

At this point, I noticed an older gentleman waiting to get his drink. I could imagine him thinking that in his generation, the Mom just gave the kid a drink and the kid drank it. I tried to move out of the gentleman’s way by moving to the side, but I never quite got out of his way.  My daughter was taste-testing and patience-testing for me, while the line quickly formed behind us. So I said, “How ‘bout fruit punch?” I filled the cup again and was rejected again. I mentioned root beer and sprite but she wanted pink lemonade. I quickly relayed she said it was “sour” before, but she was insistent as toddlers can be. Lesson 1: Reasoning with a young child rarely works.

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So, as an “understanding” mother, I poured the pink lemonade again.  My toddler rejected it yet again. But I wasn’t giving up. I offered to add sprite to the lemonade—which I did. She tried it and didn’t like it. I was beginning to feel guilty about all the soda I was wasting, so I poured the mixture into my own cup. “What do you want to drink?” “Fruit punch,” she said. “But you tried it and didn’t like it.” Anyone experiencing déjà vu? I poured the fruit punch yet again, bracing myself for her response. Lesson 2: No more toddlers choosing fountain drinks.

My daughter tried the fruit punch. Drum roll please…she liked it. I quickly filled her cup with fruit punch and got out of the long line.  We took our food and carefully selected drinks to a table and sat down. As she started to drink her drink, my daughter exclaimed “This is my best day ever!” Lesson 3: Let children make choices as it builds their self-esteem and it could just be their best day ever.

Quotable Casandra, Part 1

(From journals, April 2011)

"I wish our lives were like a DVR, so we could skip the parts we don’t like."

"I live life moment by moment. I have no guarantees."

"Life is very suspenseful. It’s like an operation. Will I pull out of it? Only heaven knows."

"Things are making sense…weird!"

"I’ve never felt so grounded before. I could be a tree."

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"I will get there when I get there."

"I follow the hearse. I watch it go past my street and I scream to the skies:

I  AM ALIVE!"

"We think we’re in control.

We think we’re all alone.

Wrong, on both counts."

"Look up at the sky. All we get is a sunrise and sunset each day. Anything else is bonus."

You Are More Than Your Disease

When I had fibromyalgia for over twenty years (before it changed to bipolar disorder), I had low energy and chronic pain. I would need to crawl on the floor to pick up anything in my house. I looked “okay” on the outside so people expected me to be able to act “okay.” I felt lame and doubted if I’d ever feel better. In our society, we are measured by what we “do” (What do you do for a living? What are your hobbies? What does your spouse do?). To have a disease where you can’t “do,” it’s hard to feel you measure up. People don’t go around asking, “What type of person are you? What trials have you faced? Who are you when you don’t have to do anything?” One day in the checkout stand of a grocery store, I flipped through Oprah’s magazine. I saw a concept that changed my outlook and changed my life. In essence, it said, “You may have this _________ disease, but that is not who you are.” I had never heard of such a concept, that I could be more or different than my disease…that, in fact, I am NOT my disease. I just have it. A wise friend of mine said, “While it affects us, it does not define us.” Over the years, I came to realize that I am worthwhile even if I can "do" nothing.

It can be difficult for individuals to distinguish themselves from the illness. I’ve observed individuals who are newly diagnosed or in the earlier stages of bipolar disorder seem to have a harder time telling themselves apart from the disease. I always like to switch roles. Would you say someone with diabetes is no more than their disease and is not separate from the disease? Of course not. However, I can understand how an individual could feel this way. When your life is overrun and appears to be ruled in every aspect by your disease, how you feel, perceive and do, it gets easier to forget the real you still exists. Just imagine if the disease that overruns and rules every aspect of your life were little terrorists. Would you say these little terrorists define you, that now they ARE you? Would you say they are holding the real you hostage and will never release you, so they must now be you? It doesn’t add up. It’s just like a sweater. I may wear the same sweater all the time but it’s not me. People may come to know me as the woman in the green sweater, but it’s still not me. I am convinced that one day I will be able to take the sweater of bipolar disorder off and everyone will see me for who I truly am.

I know it's difficult..but try to remember you are more than your disease.

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Who else does this speak to?

A Milk Bubbles Kind of Day

I awoke and walked out of my bedroom. In the hallway was a wizard, my toddler, who cast a spell on me with her magic wand: “I will turn you into a frog.” “Ribbit, ribbit,” I said as I jumped.  My daughter had milk to drink with her breakfast. She blew milk bubbles with her straw and then did something surprising to me. She took her spoon and began to eat the milk bubbles. She blew milk bubbles over and over again until they overflowed and then scooped them up with her spoon and ate them. Then, we went to Lagoon, Utah’s lone amusement park. I noticed she did the same thing on every ride. Whether it was a swings ride or a rocket ship ride, my daughter outstretched both arms into flying motion and was in flight. On a ride similar to Dumbo the Elephant ride, my daughter couldn’t get her ladybug off the ground. I coached her after the ride to pull back on the joystick to go up. She got on the ride and tried again. It took about half the ride for her to take flight. Then I noticed that she had one hand on the joystick and one arm outstretched in flight. She was in her own world of childhood wonder.

I marveled at the delight of a child. When funky music played, she danced and sang along whether or not she knew the tune. We spent part of our day at the water park. I initially sat on the ground to watch her play. Then my daughter came to me with an outstretched hand and pleadingly invited, “Come play with me.” How could I resist? After going down one slide, I was crouched in the water and my daughter came up and gave me such a big hug, it bowled me over. I ended up with an owie on my elbow, which is perfect for a day of playing with a child. What if we, as adults, used our imagination, were spontaneous, weren’t afraid to try or to try again, believed in our dreams and in ourselves, and invited others to simply play? At the end of the day, I asked my daughter what milk bubbles taste like. I looked forward to a magical answer, such as “Ice cream fairyland” or “Angel cotton candy.” My daughter looked at me kinda funny and replied, “Milk. It’s just made of milk.”

So, if you'd like to feel like a child, try blowing milk bubbles today.

Don't Talk Back to Your Sensei

Note to those who suffer:  I don’t blame anyone for calling out or questioning why they are suffering for so long. I’ve been there. I hope this article gives a different perspective and hope.

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There was a time I feared for my life and enrolled in a self-defense class. Actually, it was a street fighting class with Muay Thai boxing thrown in (muggers, watch out!) My sensei commanded the utmost respect. He was wise. I knew I could trust him. He was kind, yet firm. I kept forgetting to keep my hands up by my face in case of an attack. So, my sensei kindly whacked me on my head until I remembered. Now, I never forget to keep my hands up and protect my head. I proceeded to progress through the ranks but sometimes I thought I should progress faster. Why haven’t I gotten my second black stripe on my belt yet? Doesn’t he see I’m ready? I’ve learned all I need to move on. What is he thinking? Could we move a little faster? I couldn’t imagine going up to my wise, kind (and incredibly strong) sensei and telling him I was ready to move on and get my next belt. How presumptuous. He was the teacher. He knew far more than me. How disrespectful could I get?

Then, I had an epiphany. (Whatever you believe about God, a higher power, please insert next.) How many of us call out to God or the Universe and say, “Okay. I’ve learned what I needed to from this trial. I’m ready to move on. You can take away this trial now. I don’t know what you’re thinking. Could we move a little faster?” How many times do I question God without remembering that He is the teacher and I am the student and I have things to learn? Do I trust him and believe He knows best when I am truly ready to move on? Our spiritual sensei may have wisdom that we do not. This new perspective has helped me be more accepting of my life as I reach toward enlightenment. Just remember in spiritual matters as in life: 

Don’t Talk Back to Your Sensei!

When you accept what is, every moment is the best moment. 

That is enlightenment.   –Eckhart Tolle

Football Ice Cream: Who wins?

This was a fun, interactive activity which required teamwork and everyone enjoyed the results.

Football Ice Cream Recipe
Pour into quart size ZIPLOC bag:
 1 cup whipping cream
 1 cup half & half (fat-free type can be used for slightly less creamy consistency)
 ½ cup sugar
 1 tsp vanilla
 Optional: fruit, chocolate syrup, etc.

 

Seal out air and place in gallon size ZIPLOC bag. Then surround smaller bag with ice and add ¼ cup (or more) rock salt. Make sure to get the air out of both bags before sealing. Then wrap in 5-6 layers of newspaper and bundle up with sturdy tape (packing tape or wide masking tape works well.) until the package is tight and compact. Throw back and forth for 20 minutes. Try not to drop it or the bags might break open. When opening, be careful not to get the salt inside the ice cream bag. Serves 2 people.

FAMILY CHALLENGE

My family had two teams and two ice cream packages to see who could freeze the hardest, creamiest football ice cream. Team A consisted of me and my teenage son. We threw the football ice cream hard and dropped it a couple times. Salty ice water began to leak. Team B consisted of my husband and our two younger daughters. They quickly tired of throwing the football. Out of pity, I suggested they try the trampoline. So, they all bounced on the trampoline along with the football ice cream. I began to worry that the trampoline might be a more effective method of freezing ice cream. Plus, Team A’s ice cream was leaking salty water like crazy.

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Victory time: We carefully unwrapped both football's. One team’s ice cream reigned supreme, frozen hard and creamy. Which method is better, the hard throw of a football or the bounce of a trampoline? The results were close but a football throw won it. Team A was victorious but we gladly ate up all the ice cream. One of my daughters said, “This was the best family activity, EVER!” Who can argue with that?!

Bipolar Sky

I recently flew from the Rocky Mountains to my childhood homes of Florida and Georgia. Somehow the trip was too stressful on my body and I experienced problems (mixed cycling) with my bipolar disorder. On the flight back, I recalled another flight I took when I was in college. As I looked out of the window at that time, all I saw were sunshine and blue skies. Then the weather changed and I flew over a dark storm. But I was so high above the storm that I could see the end of the storm and the blue skies that surrounded it.  Talk about perspective! I thought how someone in that storm might not realize sunshine is just around the corner.

When I’m down on the ground and my life changes from sunny skies to a storm, sometimes the storm goes on for a very long time. I begin to forget the days of sunny skies. I wonder “when” or even “if” my storm of personal trials and challenges will ever end. However, we don’t know exactly when blue skies may reappear.  Have you ever watched the movie, “The African Queen,” the classic film with Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn?  My favorite scene is near the end when they have been trudging through the swamps and have used up their last supplies and have lost all hope. They resign themselves to die that night. The next morning the camera pans upon their surroundings and it’s clear they have reached the end of their swamp and they are free. Sunshine returned.

If you’re slugging your way through a trial, I am so sorry. Remember you don’t have the perspective of being high in a plane and seeing when your sunny skies will begin again. Please don’t give up hope. As a result of my bipolar problems on my trip, I had my medication changed. Now, for the first time, I feel well enough to start following my dreams. My storm finally turned to blue skies. Writing this blog is living proof.

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